Mamalogues: Strange Times

We live in strange times right now. It's been even stranger to have a baby during these times. Nobody could come visit us at the hospital. Our own daughter wasn't even able to come visit. We haven't had anyone over at the house to see the baby since he was born including our own family. We don't go to the grocery store if we can help it and mostly live off pantry staples and frozen foods. Some people have come to drop off some groceries or meals here and there, but we haven't asked anyone for anything because we don't want others to risk going out on our behalf.

Our daughter decided to rebel after we picked her up to come home with us after baby brother was born. Every day since has included tears and tantrums of some degree and her sensitivity right now is off the charts. I can't even open the cereal box for her if she wants to open it herself without a crying fit ensuing. We're lucky the second child is rather calm and likes to sleep. We joke that our daughter was a handful as a baby, and now that there's a new baby, she is STILL the handful.

I can feel the postpartum depression creep in at times. The foods I couldn't eat when pregnant, I now still can't eat because of to-go only rules and closed restaurants. Let's face it - sushi is not a to-go kind of food. And even though Asian cultural confinement says you shouldn't go outside for a month after delivery, it's still depressing to think that after my month is up, I still can't go out anywhere as I please. On the bright side, it means I don't have to worry about loading up two kids in the car by myself to go out.

I remember after my daughter was born, I struggled with the same kind of emotions in a different way. After my husband went back to work, I was left alone at home with a new baby whom I barely understood how to take care of. I still felt like I was crawling in the dark, feeling my way around, desperately trying to read nonverbal cues. Music was what helped me get through it. I'd go and play piano for a bit while she slept, and lucky for me, it didn't wake her up.

I would do the same now, but a needy toddler doesn't appreciate it when you don't pay attention to her for more than five minutes. When I've tried to play for a bit, she will actually come up to me and say, "Mama, nano [sic] all done." Clearly she dictates my world as well.

Being sleep-deprived and listening to a whiny toddler is not a good combination. Although my body is used to running on less sleep than the days pre-kids, sleeping two cycles of 2-3 hours and then being up and running for 13+ hours is exhausting. Factor that in with a defiant two year old and you have a recipe for disaster. It's an understatement to say that life at home is tough right now.

I miss my students. I stopped teaching a week and a half earlier than I anticipated because of the virus. I also caught a minor cold the week before I delivered 😬. My substitute plans fell through because of the virus. Part of me feels obligated to start teaching (online) earlier than I originally planned instead of leaving my students hanging for two and a half months. Part of me wants to start teaching when I originally planned. A tiny, tiny part of me thinks I should use the virus and the fact that I now have two kids two and under to stop teaching for a while. But I really don't want to do that.

My daughter's birthday was last week. There were no presents. There was no party. But we celebrated in our own small ways. I looked up a cake recipe without milk or eggs because we need to ration the supplies 😂 and she helped me make it. Then I made a homemade frosting.

I let her mix the batter.

...and then I had to grab a second fork and help her mix.

She was more interested in the candle flames than the cake itself and only had like two bites. Oh well. I’d like to say she’s not that interested in sugary treats, but if we had the chocolate cake from Costco, she’d probably be eating it up by the mouthful...

And of course, in To family fashion, we made her a homemade birthday card. I told myself before her first birthday that I’d hand make her a card every year for her birthday. So now she has two. 

I was filling out my son's baby book. There's a spot for world leaders, the price of gas, the price of a house, and popular movies. But there's no spot for world events, no spot for me to write "Coronavirus" or "Covid-19". Both my children will inevitably learn about this in their history books. But I'll tell them: we lived through this.