The lady who normally checks me out at the register was working. I wasn't sure if she'd recognize me without my daughter and with a mask on, but she did. We chatted for a bit since nobody was in line waiting to check out behind me. I told her I had two kids now. She didn't believe me. I showed her a picture. She said she couldn't wait to see both of them again. Mentally, I thought about how many more months it would be before I would ever venture outside with my two young kids.
Upon arriving home, I completely changed everything I had worn out and threw them directly into the washing machine. Times have changed. Sadly, they're never going to go back to the way they were. Masks and gloves in public may be a part of our new normal. Social distancing may always be on our minds. But life will eventually go on.
In some ways, I've been grateful for this virus. It forced me to stay home in a time when I would have stayed home anyway. Convenient, right? I've known women who are at the mall or taking their baby out DAYS after giving birth. That is not me. My body has proven to me that it takes time, sometimes longer than normal, to put itself back together. With the quarantine this year, I've appreciated being able to accept that without feeling like I'm depriving myself of anything.
I've appreciated the time at home with my family. My husband was blessed to have six weeks paternity leave from his company. This was a drastic change from two years ago when our daughter was born and he was given one week paternity and took one week of PTO. Looking back, watching one baby at two weeks old by myself at home would have been a piece of cake. Part of me is still anxious and terrified about him having to return to work (at home) and being "left alone"with a six week old and a two year old.
In other ways, it's been a huge pain. We've been to the grocery store two times since having a new baby. I miss using fresh ingredients to cook. Normally, I almost never buy frozen or canned vegetables. I don't really know what to do with them. The texture is different, and sometimes, so is the taste. We've been eating a lot of prepared frozen foods, which, back in my childhood/teenage days, I may have loved. But being an adult now, it gets old pretty fast.
We haven't been able to have as much help as I had thought. My in-laws didn't come. My dad hasn't come over. Friends have dropped off food occasionally, which has been really nice, but I miss seeing people. I was texting a friend and telling her, "T loves to be held. I wish I could give other people the privilege!" He was quite tiny when he was born, not even 7 pounds, and he went down to almost 6 pounds at his lowest, but he is shaping out to be quite the chunky baby. At one month, he was just under 10 pounds, and I'm pretty sure by 5 weeks he went comfortably over that. (Yes, I know, this is small compared to other people's standards, but when he weighs 8.4% of my postpartum weight, not even my normal, that's pretty significant!)
Lastly, it has impacted my work. I am self-employed and run my own business so I knew by taking a maternity leave I was going to be giving up 2-3 months of income. Not a problem.
So where's the problem?
My substitute was an older lady, and when this virus came about, it was decided she would not teach students inside her home. Also, being a substitute who wasn't familiar with my students, online lessons were not likely and my students did not wish to take online with someone who wasn't their normal teacher. Originally, I had been thrilled over half my students wanted to take lessons with the substitute this year - significantly higher than two years ago. I was also very excited to have her as my substitute as well. Unfortunately, none of it panned out.
As a result, my teacher instincts and concern for my students decided to shorten my maternity leave by a month. So instead of starting the second week of June like I had intended, I am now starting the second week of May. I am teaching a lighter load of about 6-8 students, but it means adding the slightest bit of work to my already busy daily routine. You also have to understand though that the longer my students go without lessons - whomever the teacher may be - the more difficult my job is to teach them again when they return. It's a catch-22. Yes, it is my personal decision to do this, but no, it was not the original plan.
When my daughter was born, I went back to work when she was 8 weeks old, and that was planned. I told myself it was too soon and I would need more time with my son. Well...that isn't happening. He will be 7 weeks old when I start teaching again. So, if we have a third child, does that mean I'll go back to work when he/she is 6 weeks old?! Ha...
As nice as it's been to humor my homebody introverted self for the last month and a half, life will eventually need to resume. We can't stay home forever in fear of getting the virus. But we will also never leave our house with the same carefree mindset we used to. Shopping trips will need to be meticulously planned, and stopping by two or three different stores at once to snag the best deals is probably a thing of the past (at least for me.)
Tonight, we'll get to eat our pot of curry with fresh vegetables and chicken.
Stay smart, even if the state is reopening.
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