Wednesday, January 1, 2020

Two Zero Two Zero

14 years ago on New Year's Eve, I started writing predictions. It was what I thought the next year would bring in my life and some notes on teenage thoughts regarding those around me. Mostly who was dating whom and the drama of high school. The following year on New Year's Eve, I would read what I had written the year before and then write a new one for the next year.

Props if you know what television series I got this idea from.

I kept up this tradition for the next 9 years and then stopped after that. I stopped partly because I simply forgot to write a new one on NYE and partly because it lost its meaning and purpose. As I reread ones from the early years, they mostly sound like a teenage girl writing about high school drama. Later, I became more sophisticated and they were more appropriately categorized as "predictions".

In the last few years, especially since having children, I've found myself being envious of others for their accomplishments, successes, and adventures. I see my friends with their doctorate degrees, friends who travel the world whether alone or with significant others, friends who design and execute their own DIY projects, and friends who simply just look like they have it all together. I know social media tends to glamorize only the positive aspects and paints an extremely skewed image of real life, but this is just how I feel.

Is anyone out there envious of me in my part-time working full-time motherhood lifestyle of craziness? I count a day when there's food to eat, clean laundry, a presentable house to teach out of, and keeping my daughter alive as a huge success for a day's work.

I don't make predictions anymore and I don't really have resolutions, but there are things I'd like to get done and accomplish without trying to be too ambitious or unrealistic.

1. Finish my cross stitch.

Now if you've kept up with my blog, you may remember a post from 3 years ago about a different cross stitch which I completed. This is another one I started a few months after completing that one. The image is the silhouettes of two children blowing bubbles between two trees. I bought it before I left China in the summer of 2013...and well, here we are nearly 7 years later. I've made some progress on it but the time to sit and focus on my cross stitch is few and far between now. Ironically, the two children pictured are a girl and a boy, and how appropriate it would be if I could have this completed and hung up in my house....soon.

2. Find a new work life balance.

When I career changed 3.5 years ago, it was the scariest and best decision I'd ever made in my life. Yes, people must've thought I was crazy, and even I thought I was crazy. There was a lot of learning in the beginning and finding my way, but I've been incredibly blessed in being able to build up my own business from nothing. I'll never forget that first month when I made less than $300. It was terrifying, exciting, and humbling.

After having my daughter, I thought I'd have to reset and start over to some extent. To my surprise, I was busier than even before I had her. This last year and a half of work has been the busiest and most enjoyable. Having to take another maternity leave really stresses me out to think about. And I haven't wrapped my head around how continuing to work untraditional hours with two kids will be feasible.

3. Keep my sanity.

When I think about last year, I don't remember a lot. It's not that I didn't do anything or that I didn't keep my sanity, but it was a tough year.


  • we took an international trip with a 1 year old
  • I mentored a college freshman for a summer
  • morning sickness round 2
  • lots of sleepless nights with the toddler
  • new retaining wall and fence (not DIY, thank goodness)
  • new windows for the house (not DIY either)
  • 2 road trips
Kids change daily so much when they're young so you never truly feel like you have things figured out for more than about a week or two before something changes again. And my daughter, as cute as she is, is a handful. Keeping my sanity? Not easy.

But there are still moments when she'll actually cuddle next to me and stay calm and not squirm, and her face is of peaceful wonder, and I just watch her and think to myself, wow, you're beautiful. I can't believe you're mine, even for just a little while. 

So if you've got it all together and things are going great, maybe stop once in a while to help me keep things partially together? Taped? A little?

I'll go put a few stitches into my cross stitch now.



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