Two Zero Two Zero Resolved

At the beginning of 2020, I set out with three goals for the year. You can read my original post here. It also explains why I don't do resolutions anymore, but I intentionally think about some mental goals to ground myself for the year.

Here were my three goals for 2020:

1. Finish my cross stitch.

2. Find a new work life balance.

3. Keep my sanity.

Did I accomplish all three? I did, actually. It wasn't always easy, and this year certainly wasn't a straightforward one, but I did accomplish the goals I'd set for myself.

1. I finished my cross stitch.

I won't go into detail about it here as I already wrote a post on it back in June when I finished it for my mid-year check in. So that was a great accomplishment considering I'd finished it after having two kids to look after. Now my next goal is to get it framed and hang it up in my son's room as I had originally intended. That should be a goal for 2021.

2. I did find a new work life balance.

Covid really did me a huge favor on this one. After having my son, the world took a big pause and quarantined/locked-down for about 6 weeks, and even after that, life has taken on a different pace. I did cut my maternity leave very short and returned back to teaching when he was merely 6 weeks old, but it was teaching online without needing to clean the house to be presentable for students. For the first 5-6 weeks after returning to work, I was teaching 7 students a week. It was great. I felt like I had the mommy routine and teacher routine down. In June, I added a few more. It was still doable. Then in August when the new school year began, I added some more, and next year, I'll be adding a few more and considering my studio full once again.

At the beginning of the year I had huge fears about how I was going to breastfeed my baby (assuming my body cooperated) and have my work schedule as well as watching two children. Because of the way this year panned out, I was able to exclusively pump, have an ample supply to feed him and freeze a stash, and have surplus to share. 

3. I did (for the most part) keep my sanity.

To be honest, staying at home and refraining from social gatherings did not affect me too much because I'm an introvert to begin with. I don't really enjoy large groups or crowds so being at home was doing what I enjoyed, for the most part.

It wasn't until about August when I started to really feel the "blues" of being at home all the time. There were just days when I wasn't motivated, didn't want to do anything, and lacked drive. Part of it was not having places to go as a motivator to get my day started. 

One of the outlets I was able to use as a "pick me up" was organization. Like everyone else, I watched The Home Edit, and although not inclined to organize my bookshelves by color or rolling my scarves, it made me want to organize our house.

So we did. We bought all sorts of products and organized our pantry, a built-in cabinet, kitchen drawers, bathroom drawers, and our closet. No, we didn't pay anyone $250 an hour to come do it for us. Yes, I bought a lot of clear storage containers. Yes, it was still expensive. 

Was it worth it? Yup. 

I grew up with a super frugal (and potentially incorrect) mentality that spending money on something to put what you already bought with money into is useless. Well, now that I'm officially in the 30s age range, it's finally clicked that organization is worth it because it changes your perspective and mindset.

That's for another blog. 

Here's a sneak peek at one of my favorite
drawers, newly organized this year.

I hope you were able to reflect on your year and find some silver linings through all the "unprecendented-ness."

Bye 2020. ✌

Household Tricks: Part 4

 This is the last part in my series on household tricks. Catch up on the first three parts here: 1  2  3

1. Rubbing alcohol cleans dry erase boards 

One of my best purchases this year was a laminator. What started out as a quest to make an activity binder for my daughter turned into making an activity binder for piano lessons and creating my own dry erase activity sheets. A good idea is dangerous so be careful how you run away with it.

With that said, some of the dry erase markers we had were brand new and also nearing 15 years old. Did they write? Amazingly, they did. Unfortunately, they did not erase easily, so after my daughter scribbled all over the activity sheets I made her, I had the painstaking job of wiping it off with a tissue. It did not wipe off clean and I contemplated getting rid of these markers.

We didn’t have dry erase board cleaner just lying around the house so I did some trials of my own. I tried water with no luck, then Windex with no luck either. After that, I did some quick searching online and found rubbing alcohol. Sure enough, it did the trick. 

Since then, I’ve made a system of letting her draw on the sheets twice a week and wiping them all at the end of the week in preparation for the following week. I’ve attempted to turn cleaning them into a game...that didn’t work out as well as I thought it would. 

2. Lens cleaner cleans cds from skipping 

I’m about 15 years behind on this trick as cds are becoming more obsolete with online streaming and podcasts. However, we’re traditional and I love my cds, especially now that we have kids. My friend had given me a brand new book with companion cds to go with it that she never used. I was so excited to come home and play it for my daughter. 

Here was the catch: the cd came in a vinyl pouch on the inside of the book cover and it had never been opened before. With all the years of the pouch being closed, the cd was essentially stuck to the vinyl. I had to carefully pry away the vinyl from the cd and pull the cd out carefully at the same time. I did a great job separating the cd from the vinyl to remove.  However, when I removed the cd, it made contact with the adhesive from the vinyl pouch, and of course, resulted in adhesive residue on the important side. 

I tried wiping it off with a cloth and some water. There was some residue visibly left on the surface but I popped it in the player to try anyway. It played fine until we reached track 43/50. The cd got stuck and would repeat the same syllable over and over again. If I got annoyed with it, I’d manually press the button for the next track. If I was walking around preoccupied, it would keep going until it could make it to the next track itself. 

After about a week of this, I finally got tired of hearing na na na na na na na na for a minute straight so I did a quick google search and lens cleaner came up. Luckily, we actually have lens cleaner. It worked like magic. What’s actually in lens cleaner that makes this happen? Rubbing alcohol, water, and a drop of dish soap.

In the future, I may make myself a small bottle and use it for glasses/screens, but for this task, I’m glad we had an actual bottle of lens cleaner. 

3. Don't shock nonstick pans with cold water

This one isn't really a trick....but moreso a lesson we learned the hard way. When we got married, we received a nonstick skillet pan as a gift and it was wonderful. We used it for many years and loved it. 

Suddenly, this summer, it started sticking. Foods I used to cook with ease started sticking to the bottom, and although I could wash the pan clean after each use, it made cooking a nightmare. I started doubting my cooking skills (which really aren't bad!) and was constantly discouraged in the kitchen.

This summer, we finally gave in and bought an entire new set of pots and pans...because, well, the pan I wanted as a replacement was $60-$80 alone, and I could get a whole new set for $150. Frugal? No. But I won't need to buy new pots and pans for years and years to come because many of them are still sitting in the box new in a closet waiting for their turn. Don't worry, they'll get their turn.

I was talking to a friend during this ordeal and I learned that you can't shock nonstick pans with cold water when they're still hot or it will kill the nonstick surface. Oops. I've probably done that more than once when I wanted to get the washing process started....🙈 lesson learned. Wait until a hot nonstick pan cools before you try to wash it.

***

It’s been a strange year with the majority of my time spent at home, but I’m glad I was able to learn new tricks and tips to file away in my brain for the future. Hope you were able to learn something new from the series. You never know when you might need to use one! 

Thanks for reading. 🙂

How to Plan an Organized Holiday Meal (With Kids to Watch!)

Because of cancelled plans and a crazy year, we stayed at home and celebrated Thanksgiving with our little family of four this year. We ended up cooking out Thanksgiving meal two days early because that's what day the turkey ended up thawing on. I bought our 13 pound turkey on Saturday morning and put it into the refrigerator to thaw because there was no room for it in any of our three freezers. Yup, you heard that right. We have THREE freezers - two refrigerator freezers and a chest freezer - and they are ALL full. Full of what? Liquid gold! No, I'm not talking about melted cheese. Breastmilk. And some food. But mostly breastmilk. 

This freezer is completely milk bags. 

I’ve repurposed bubble wrap packaging and empty tissue boxes very well. 

So Tuesday was the day.

I organized Thanksgiving as I was taught to lesson plan during my years of pedagogy and education classes or how to write a paper for everyone else who doesn't go the education route.

1. Pre-planning

I made a list of everything we wanted to eat for Thanksgiving. For us, that included turkey, stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, corn, macaroni and cheese, brussel sprouts, and rolls. You might be thinking I'm missing a classic staple of green bean casserole. I'll explain why later. Keep in mind I'm making everything from scratch here so that is why I used recipes for things I wouldn't normally use recipes for. 

2. Planning

I wrote out a brief outline of my Thanksgiving dishes. This included finding the recipes for dishes I was using recipes for and writing out which kitchen appliances I would be using for each dish. This is a key step of organization that makes everything go SO much smoother. We all know how many dishes can take up the oven for Thanksgiving. Well, an oven only has so much room and a house only has so many ovens. We have one oven. I could have made every single dish on our list in the oven, but that would be a terrible decision because it would take an entire day to cook and by the time the last dish was done, the first would be cold. This is why we nixed green bean casserole off the list because as much as we both love green bean casserole, it would have lengthened our cooking time by at least an hour. And when you have two mobile children to look after while cooking, time is of the essence. 

These were the recipes that I used for the dishes involving recipes:

Turkey: https://tastesbetterfromscratch.com/easy-no-fuss-thanksgiving-turkey/

Mac and Cheese: https://thestayathomechef.com/stovetop-mac-and-cheese/

Rolls: I used the recipe on the back of my yeast packet.

Stuffing: https://www.thekitchn.com/recipe-stovetop-thanksgiving-stuffing-225090

Giblet Gravy: https://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/giblet_gravy/

3. Cooking

For my 8 items to cook, I cooked one the day before: Mashed potatoes. I chose to cook my mashed potatoes ahead because I thought they were the most reheatable dish on the list without losing out on flavor and texture. Everything else we cooked on the day of. To maximize your time, you have to cook everything in overlapping times. While the turkey was in the oven, I was starting my gravy, starting my corn, making mac and cheese, prepping brussel sprouts, and preparing dough for my rolls. If I wasn't doing any of that, I was doing the dishes so the pile in the sink wouldn't reach the ceiling. 

Somehow, in five hours, everything got done, and my two kids didn't get into anything dangerous or cause any trouble. Yes, we were taking turns glancing over to watch them play or feeding them. So no, we did not completely ignore or neglect our kids for five hours. In fact, my daughter helped me wash dishes and make the rolls. 

By 5pm, everything was cooked and we were eating around 5:15 pm.

By 6 pm, we were done eating.

By 7 pm, everything was cleaned up, the turkey bone was simmering on the stove for stock, and we began the kids' bedtime routine.

So all in, it was a very busy 7 hours in the kitchen cooking and cleaning, but it was absolutely worth it to make a turkey dinner once a year. If we ever do Thanksgiving again at our house in the future, I may consider pre-making a green bean casserole and then just using the oven to heat it up on the day of to save time and still be able to use the oven for the turkey. 

As for Christmas this year....we'll most likely be cooking ham instead. And you guessed it. I’ve already started planning 😉.

Household Tricks: Part 3

This is the third part in my household tricks series. If you want to catch up on part 1 or part 2, feel free to do that first!

Today's tips include some more laundry tricks that I've discovered over the years. I really thought most of this was common knowledge and I was just discovering it on my own, but after talking to some friends, it's actually not. Who knew. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m not the most eco-friendly person who ever walked the earth, but I do value reusing, repurposing, and salvaging when possible  

 1. Air dry new clothes after the first wash after washing in cold water.

We all know washing in cold water prevents shrinking. But air drying after the first wash does too! I discovered this when we washed out baby clothes for our first baby. I'd buy it in one size, wash it, and then feel like she was outgrowing it already. It was also obvious when I looked at hand-me-down clothing vs new clothing we'd air dried after the first wash in the same size. The ones we'd air dried really looked an entire size larger. By air drying my kids’ clothes after the first wash, they keep their original size and we can wear them for much longer. This sounds like a lot of extra work, but the key is to remember it only applies after the first wash. Once you wear it and wash it again, you can feel free to chunk it into the dryer willy nilly without having to pick out each specific item to air dry. 

For clothes we’ve bought new and carefully air dried, I’ve been able to keep my kids in them for two sizes! (My 18 pound 8 month old baby boy can still wear size 6 month clothes, but he can also fit in size 12 month clothes hand me downs which have shrunk.)

2. Air dry clothes with stains after washing just in case the stain did not come out.

I used to just give up after one wash if a stain didn't come out and either throw the piece away or live with it stained. Then I realized if I didn't dry the clothing after, it would give me another chance to remove the stain. If I've washed it twice following careful instructions and it still doesn't come out, then I count my losses and move on. 

Pretty sure these had stains and were air drying after a wash. Some pieces are going through a second hurrah with us right now with little brother 🤗

3. Separate stained or new clothes into a laundry washing bag.

There's a lot to remember if you have to pull out specific pieces from the washing machine to keep them from being tossed in the dryer. A trick I use to make my life easier is to throw them into a laundry washing bag before going into the washer. Then, when it's time to dry, I pick out the bags and toss everything else into the dryer. This way, I'm not trying to filter through each wet, entangled piece of clothing to make sure I've found all my pieces to hang dry. 

This may seem like a lot of work to go through, but to me, if it means I get more use out of the same clothing, I’ll take it! 

Stay tuned for the final part of my household tricks series. 

Household Tricks: Part 2

Today's household tricks will be tricks I've found in the kitchen. If you didn't read part 1, you can find it here. 

1. Wash grapes in baking soda.

I've always liked grapes, but I've always hated that waxy coating on the outside that never seems to come off. I've never bought any fancy fruit and vegetable washes, but recently, I bought grapes, and I really wanted to get the waxy coating off. So I did a quick search online and found my answer: baking soda. 

Before: waxy grapes from the store straight out of the packaging

I give the grapes a quick rinse first and then I pour some baking soda on them and shake the grapes around. After that, I rinse off the grapes and they're ready to go. The waxiness on the outside is visibly gone and they actually taste different. I can't not wash my grapes in baking soda anymore before eating. It makes that big of a difference.

After: look how shiny they are. And they actually stay this shiny!
It's not reflection from water.

2. Wash strawberries in vinegar.

Strawberries are a huge hit at our house. In the summer during strawberry season, we average four pounds of strawberries a week. Next summer we're going to have four people eating strawberries at our house. 😳

I can't taste the difference in this one, but I've done this religiously since I first learned about it. I know tik-tok had a viral video about soaking them in salt so the fruit worms come out...I don't know if that's completely necessary. If someone has done that with organic strawberries and still seen the worms come out, I wouldn't worry about it so much.

3. Remove coffee and tea stains from mugs with baking soda.

Baking soda is a bulk purchase in our house. We buy the 15 pound bag from the wholesale store and it lasts us years. I'm never buying the small 1 pound boxes from the grocery store ever again. This trick I discovered on my own with some prior knowledge. After the weather turned cold, I pulled out a mug I hadn't used in a while to make some tea. Upon inspecting the inside for cleanliness, I noticed dark stains adorning the inside of the white ceramic mug. My first attempt at washing it with dish soap did not work and then I remembered baking soda. I poured in some baking soda, scrubbed it a bit, and voila! Back to its original color!

I could elaborate on baking soda for so much more, but we use it to clean everything: our stovetop, our sink, the oven, removing stains from unsealed countertops, in our laundry, and so much more!

Let me know if you've ever used these tips or if you have any of your own! Stay tuned for part 3 coming soon!

Household Tricks: Part 1

2020 has been one wacky year. At some points, it was terrible. At some points, it was ok. But mostly, it's a wash for the books. My mind is mentally stuck somewhere around May and June...so the fact that I have two mobile children eating real food still phases me at times.

Despite all of the unsettling, upsetting, and plan-ruining 2020 has ushered through, believe it or not, there has been time for personal growth and learning as well. Primarily for me, there's been a lot of household tips and tricks I've added to my mental collection. Here are a few of the ones I've specifically learned in the year 2020.

These are my top tricks I use at home for removing stains.

1. Dawn takes out grease and oil stains on clothing.

One day when I was cooking, I swirled the pot to coat the meat with the slowly thickening sauce. As I swirled, one of the pieces of meat rolled around the pot and splashed a nice circular pattern of grease onto the shirt I was wearing. Do I have aprons? Of course I do. Was I wearing it at that time? Sadly, no. Who knew spending 10 seconds swirling a pot of simmering meat in sauce was going to cause me over 10 minutes of extra work. 

It wasn't a special shirt or anything, but it wasn't one I was willing to give up or wear stained. I have three long-sleeved t-shirts that are my go-to at-home comfy shirts in the winter. They're not too formal to where I'd wear them to work, but they're also not too casual to where I couldn't leave the house in one. This was one of them. 

I rinsed the shirt under water and soaked it in a bucket before the next load of laundry. After washing, I hung it up to dry so the stain wouldn't set in case it didn't come out. It didn't come out. That's when I googled how to get grease stains out of clothing and discovered Dawn! Or maybe just dish soap. I lathered up my shirt on the stain with my Dawn and washed it again. 

And the stain came out!

And then I also realized I should have tried spraying it with my stain remover spray I use on the baby's clothing. But now I know. If you don't have stain remover, try Dawn!

2. Saline solution (or contact solution) removes blood from fabrics and stuffed animals. 

My daughter woke up with a nosebleed in the middle of the night. Of course, being two, she freaked out and rubbed it all over her face and it dripped everywhere and I was trying to get her to hold still and stop moving. And, of course, it got onto her favorite stuffed animal on the part of his fur that is white. So what did I do? I grabbed some tissues and my contact solution and started dabbing her penguin. Cause let's be honest. Nobody cares about the clothing or the bedsheets. The most important article to clean? The stuffed animal, hands down. 

And it worked great. It worked so well that the next morning when her daddy looked at the penguin, he couldn't even tell where the stain had been. High five for mommy! 🙌

So the next time blood gets on a precious stuffed animal (or precious clothing if that's your thing,) grab some contact solution and dab away! Keyword: dab.

Stay tuned for more tricks around the house next time!

Adventures with Rheem

Two and a half years ago, our hot water tank broke. The tank was here when we moved into the house and merely five years old. However, it was a lower line model and its expected life expectancy was about five years. It also happened to be Easter Sunday, and I was three days away from being 41 weeks pregnant. Sounds like fun, right?

We quickly did some research, found a new Rheem hot water tank with a 12 year warranty, and someone could come out to install it the following day (Monday). Thus, we did. And this became one of the first household fixes that we did not DIY on our own. 

It was nice to be able to take a shower before having a baby, only to become gross and not shower again for an extended period of time. 😝

Fast forward two and a half years with a two and a half year old and a seven month old.  A few days after my birthday this year, we discovered our hot water wasn’t working. The tank was still under warranty so we called Rheem and told them our situation.  After a failed troubleshooting over the phone (as expected) they found the part needing replacement and had it shipped to us. It arrived five days later and the plumber came out the next day and had it fixed in a jiffy.

While working, he and my husband were chatting. Apparently, the plumber was well aware of this problem in this particular model of water tank and had been driving around town replacing tanks with the exact same problem. He explained that they had installed a non-branded temperature sensor on these models and when the weather suddenly drops cold for the first time around mid/late October, they break. The new replacement they sent was a Honeywell part and more reliable. In the past, Rheem had been using Honeywell temperature sensors. At some point, they stopped, and the model we purchased happened to be one of the ones without the Honeywell part. Rheem figured this out eventually and the ones they manufacture now have Honeywell sensors on them.

The plumber had also mentioned he could retire if he wanted to, but he was making easy money off of these warranty jobs that it was too good to stop. Good for him. And I’m glad he knew what he was doing since he’s been doing so much of it lately.

These two hot water tank mishaps have been more than I bargained for when we bought the house five years ago. I’m also hoping and expecting the water tank not to break down on me for the next ten years. But, if it does, it’ll still be covered. 

***

Moral of the story: 

1. Don’t take shortcuts you can’t rely on. Rheem is unfortunately paying for their choice to use a different part. But they've at least learned their lesson and gone back to the more reputable brand of part.

2. Certain things are best left to the professionals. Had we installed our own hot water tank, it would have voided the warranty. Read your fine print. Keep your warranties! 

Tainted Grace

On February 22, 2020, I got a text from my dad: Call me.

My dad never sends me texts like this. It felt weird. I wasn't sure what was wrong. It couldn't have been that urgent since he texted and didn't try calling me numerous times to reach me right at that instant.

I was at dinner with some friends so I sat in my car in the parking lot afterwards and called him back. He told me he'd received a postcard in the mail saying there was an unpaid $300 fine for a speeding ticket from 2010. I told him I'd been stopped by an officer that day for speeding, but I didn't receive a ticket. I definitely would have dealt with it if I had received a ticket. We hung up and came to the conclusion that it was a scam for someone trying to get money.

When I got home that evening, I went online and looked up my driving record. Sure enough, that alleged unpaid speeding ticket was listed there dated 10 years prior. It was not a scam, but it was not accurate. Unfortunately, it was Saturday evening, and I had to mull in this false accusation until Monday when I could call the offices.

On Monday, I called the office first thing in the morning to try and get this straightened out. Nobody picked up their phone. I couldn't get the phone to ring. I called at least 3-4 offices trying to reach a person to speak to regarding this. Apparently the town was small enough where all of the administrative positions were located in one building. And yet nobody would pick up the phone. Finally, about two hours later, the phone line went through and I got a hold of someone. She told me if I wanted to dispute it, I'd have to write a letter to the judge and fax it over.

Did I mention I was 34 weeks pregnant at the time with a toddler to watch during the day?

My dad came over later that morning to show me the postcard he was mailed. I told him I needed to write a letter and fax it over to the court since I wasn't going to be driving an hour and 15 minutes to go to court. Thankfully, he stayed and entertained my daughter for an hour while I wrote my letter, back in the day when you could see people and not be afraid of spreading a deadly virus.

The day of the alleged ticket, I was driving two friends back to Dallas with me that afternoon for the weekend. I messaged one of them to ask if he/she remembered the incident. I was even careful in the way I asked the question so there wouldn't be any bias in the answer.

"Do you remember that time in college when I drove you back home?"

"Yea."

"Do you remember me getting stopped for speeding?"

"Yes."

"Did I get a ticket?"

"Nope! You didn't. I remember thinking you were very lucky."

I don't expect friends to remember much anymore, much less something from 10 years ago, because I've been let down so many times by people whom I thought were close to me. So the fact that this friend remembers this particular incident is quite special to me. 

I drove to the library that afternoon to fax the letter over and made it home in time to teach my first lesson. There was no way they could possibly accuse me of this ticket, because I had some of the strongest things going for me:

- I had a friend with me in the car 
- I wasn't told I was getting a ticket
- I didn't sign a ticket or any piece of paper

But I still ended up waiting three agonizing days to hear back. 

On Thursday afternoon, I finally got a call. They "looked through my file and the judge dismissed the ticket." I don't know what was in my file or how they somehow came up with this ticket 10 years after the fact, but I can guarantee you there was no signed ticket in my file. So how in the world they came up with this case, I have no idea. I. Have. No. Idea.

10 years ago today, when the officer handed me my license and registration back without a ticket, I felt a sense of relief but also sadness. As I started up my car again to resume driving, I began crying, and the car was silent for a long while. I cried because I knew I'd been shown grace by an officer. For nearly 10 years, I always remembered this fondly with a special respect. Now, I just remember the trouble I went through to dismiss a case that never existed in the first place.

What a shame.

Blue Swings

Sidenote: It's been a long month of not being able to blog and post any stories. I'm working on some, but seeing as I only pull out my computer about once a month to pay bills, typing out a blog unfortunately gets put aside more often than not. I originally meant to post this over a month ago. Oops.

***

With the weather cooling down as the infamous Texas summer has ended, I've been taking the two kids out on walks in our neighborhood. It's become a daily ritual for us to talk a walk and look for "blue swings," the quintessential Little-Tikes baby/toddler swing. We have a pink one in our front yard, but my daughter loves to walk around the block and look at our neighbor's blue one.

The quintessential baby swing 

After we found the blue swing, we kept walking down that street and came across a pink tire swing in front of another neighbor's house. This led to a little game where we'd walk around the neighborhood and look for swings.

In addition to looking for swings, we've met some more of our neighbors. One morning, one of our neighbors down the street was out working in her yard and we stopped and said hello. I complimented her beautiful landscaping and started a brief conversation. She was very friendly and we both enjoyed some in-person socially-distanced chit-chat. 

A few days later, we were walking down the street behind us, and a neighbor actually came out of her house and asked if she could see my kids because she hasn't gotten to see her nieces and nephews given the current circumstances. 

Since then I've run into these same two neighbors multiple times. Once, we got candy since Halloween is around the corner. Another time, our neighbor shared her home-grown peppers with us and even cut a blue iris from her garden for us to take home and admire.

Blue irises from our neighbor.

Our neighbors are very friendly and it’s lovely to be able to meet them and say hi. I love being able to walk by someone outside of their house and feel excited to be able to exchange a greeting. But there’s something else that makes running into them almost bittersweet: we could have been neighbors with one of them. I know, we are already neighbors in the sense that we live around each other, but I mean literal next door neighbors. 

You see, one of these neighbors lives in the house next to one we made an offer on five years ago when we were looking to buy. The house next to the neighbor with the beautiful landscaping was one we were particularly upset about losing. It had one owner, clean bathrooms, and a great price. There was some updating needed to bring it up to current aesthetics, but overall, it was a wonderful house. The actual price it sold at was the exact same offer as we’d put in. So why didn’t we get it? We’ll never know. 

The other neighbor actually lives in a house two doors down from one we put in an offer on. It had a sunroom, needed some work, but the price was right. The lady selling it at the time got tired of showings and stopped accepting offers merely 24 to 48 hours after hitting the market. Ours never made it in. 

I’m thankful to live in the neighborhood we do. I enjoy walking to the nearby park and playground, biking on the trails, and saying hi to our neighbors. It’s bittersweet thinking about the houses we didn’t get to call home, especially when they’re right down the street or around the corner from us, but our house is one I’ve enjoyed spending an extra amount of time in this year. 

And we still get to walk around the same neighborhood and look for the blue swings.

The Sixth Empty Coin Slot

My grandfather was a collector. He was the one who introduced the idea of collecting to my brother and me. We each started our own stamp collection from his influence. We'd cut the stamp off the envelope, soak it in water, and then peel away the paper and adhesive, and then wait for it to dry again before storing it in our jars/boxes. 

Besides stamps, he was largely into coin collecting. He was the kind of guy who would see the ads for "special and rare" coins, fill out the form, mail it in, and eagerly await his one-of-a-kind coin to be mailed to him. Every time I went to visit my grandparents at their house, I would go upstairs to his study and look through his shelves of collections and books. One set in particular that he owned was the collection of medals of the US Presidents. My grandfather had a book with short bios of all the presidents up through Ronald Reagan and another binder which housed coins of each president with their name and years of office through Ronald Reagan. On the backs of these coins had various images and phrases, anything from patriotic sayings to the inauguration date of the same president. 

He bought two sets of these - like I said, really into collecting. At one point in my childhood, he had given me one set. I remember talking to him at one point, and he said, we should buy the rest of the presidents (I think Clinton was in office at the time) and add them to the set. There were six empty coin slots on the last page. I asked him, "How do we add their name and years of office?" He told me, "I can write them in." Even in my youth, I remember responding back, or at the very least thinking in my head: but it won't look the same.

Ha, classic type A. I started early.

He gave me one set of the presidential coins and kept the other. Honestly, I'm not sure why. Maybe he gave it to me because I was special, his only granddaughter of six. Maybe he gave it to me because he knew I was interested in them. Maybe he gave it to me because he simply wanted me to have it. It could be a combination of all of the above reasons. 

I still have this set today. When we moved to our house, this set of coins was one of the items I brought over from my dad's house. There are still six empty coin slots on the last page. After Reagan, there was George H. W. Bush with one term, Bill Clinton with two terms, George W. Bush with two terms, Barack Obama with two terms, and so far, Donald Trump and his one term. Although they started making separate coins for each president's second term, my binder only includes one coin per president with the total years of office labeled beneath. My grandfather passed away during George W. Bush's second term so he hasn't been alive for our last two presidents.

I've always wanted to complete the set, maybe even buy another page to add to this binder. The bronze medals, which are the ones in the collection, are actually not expensive. They're $6.95 each with a flat $4.95 shipping. Not bad at all. Of course, I'd wait until the next six coins are all out and buy them all to maximize the shipping cost, but this is something I would more than gladly spend money on, especially because I would be able to continue a collection started by my grandfather. 

We know who will fill at least five out of the six empty coin slots on the last page. This year is a pretty pivotal year for many reasons. There's a lot of people out there who don't want to see another four years of the same president. There's also a lot of people out there who want to keep him in office for a second term. 

I'm not here to get political. 

As of right now, the U.S. Mint has only made the coins through the 44th president. Trump will be 45th, and the last slot will be for the 46th president. I don't know what their schedule is like or when they produce these coins, but it'll be years before I'll get to actually finish out the binder and get my hands on the actual coins. If Trump gets reelected this year, I'll have to wait another 4 years to find out whose face will fill the last slot. If he doesn't, we will know this year.

I hope we all know this year.

Gee-ko

 I have fond memories from last summer of watching geckos with my daughter. At the time, her bedtime was close to 10pm or later on some nights. I have no idea how she could sleep so late. She was waking up around 8 in the morning and napping for 2-3 hours, but she still wouldn't sleep before 9 pm at the earliest if that. Even now, my daughter sleeps 11 hours at night max.

With this late bedtime, we were able to watch the geckos come out after the sun went down. She was very amused to see little lizards crawling on our windows. Small geckos would somehow find their way into our house. My husband would catch them and let them out again. He's not afraid of picking them up. I'm grateful for this. One time, he caught the gecko and put it on her leg while I videoed her reaction. She was more afraid of the skittering movements than the gecko itself. 

She called them"gee-kos" with a long E, so we all started saying gee-ko.

Her bedtime has since normalized and she's in bed by 8:30 (although asleep is a different story). We haven't gotten to watch geckos together this summer. But last night after putting her to bed, I walked over to our window and took a look myself instead of continuing the rest of my usual nighttime routine.

I had noticed more geckos than usual hanging around the window as well as a good number of moths flying around or hanging around the window. I stood there for a while, watching, and then hubby came by and joined me. We stood by our window and watched the moths fly around and the geckos circle cautiously.

The predators.

The (un?)suspecting prey.

We stood and watched for a few minutes. I really wanted to watch a gecko eat a moth. And we did! But I didn't catch a picture of it because by the time I pulled out my phone to get a picture, he had devoured 95% of that moth. So we stood there a while longer to see if another one would get eaten. Sure enough, another moth was caught and this time I was ready!

Stuck!

This moth really tried to wriggle free. Unfortunately, he did not.

After watching for what seemed like about 10-15 minutes, we resumed our normal nightly routine, but I felt a strange sense of satisfaction being able to witness some geckos eating their fill for the evening. I would still never touch one with my hands, but watching behind a sheet of glass works great for me! We don't get to have a lot of "fun" these days between parenting a toddler and a baby and staying safe from the virus, but this was actually a lot of fun.

What I've Learned from Teaching Online

I've been teaching online for four months now. Minus the blips in technology, it's been rather effective when students have set up the camera correctly as I've requested. Teaching core subjects such as English math, science, or history, are a little different than learning an instrument, but the general techniques still apply. These are just some of my general observations/takeaways so far from what I've experienced and learned.

1. Specific Instructions

The instructions I give have to be a lot more specific than if I were teaching in person. When my students come to my studio, usually, I'll say something along the lines of, "Look at the top of the page here" while I proceed to use my finger and point to the top of the page. The student can merely follow my finger and know where I am and what I'm referring to. For all I know, they haven't even actively listened to me say, "Look at the top of the page here." It's one of the advantages of teaching one-on-one. 

When teaching online, the directions have to be more specific. "Look at the top of page 2, line 3, measure 4 with the note G." Which leads me to my next point.

2. Active Listening

As a continuation of number 1, students need to actively listen to my instructions in order to follow along in my lesson. Let's take the same example: 

Look at the top of page 2, line 3, measure 4 with the note G.

Students then need to find the top of page 2, understand what a line is referring to, go to the third line, understand what a measure is, go to the fourth measure, know how to read notes, and find the note G. I am constantly surprised as how difficult it is for students to follow this, not necessarily because they don't understand the terminology, but because they're simply not listening.

I've seen students who appear to be listening, only to ask me to repeat myself because they've gotten lost staring at the page instead of listening to what I'm actually saying or asking. 

3. Colors

Colors have always been a part of my teaching. I color code dynamics. I color code notes. I color code patterns. I color code anything I want to bring special attention to, and sometimes I have even drawn a key for my colors so the student knows what each one is referring to. 

When music is printed with black and white notes on a black and white staff, notes written in pencil often get lost to beginner learners or learners who don't pay close attention. My teacher used the entire rainbow in my music to write notes and comment (including a blue glitter crayon at one point!), and I've followed suit because it is a method that I know works to a certain extent. I know you can't overload the page, but you need something to catch the eye, because everything gets lost in a sea of black and white otherwise.

In addition to color coding the music, I've learned that when pointing out things over a digital screen, my pointer needs to be obvious. Hence, I've started to paint my nails again. I've gotten good use lately out of my bold red and pink polishes. A painted nail makes a great pointer on the screen. Unfortunately, for all my male colleagues and teachers in various fields, this one may not work for you....unless you're willing to go above and beyond in strange ways!

4. Taking Notes

Having virtual lessons has brought out the sad reality that the state of our learning is passive. Students are not taught to take their learning into their own hands or to do more for themselves about their learning. Part of it may be my mistake. I've always written down notes in their music for them with regards to their homework and assignments. In retrospect, it may be more worthwhile to have the students do it themselves. I've simply always done it as a way of efficiency. Asking them to write their own assignments in our short 30 minute lessons may take up to five minutes or more. That's a lot of time to be spent writing things down when I can do it in seconds and use the extra time to teach. 

Sometimes, I ask them to repeat their assignments back to me verbally so I can register if it went into their head. Of course, if it escapes again, that is not within my control. This may be a system I'll have to improve on in the future and continue to work through. 

***

In summary, I don't mind teaching online really. The students who thrived during in-person lessons have thrived during online ones. The students who have struggled in person are still struggling online. I don't think either success or struggle is due solely to virtual reasons. I agree there are still shortfalls. But if parents are wondering why online learning has been difficult, I'd take a look at some of these factors and see if there are any skills they can specifically help their students with, unrelated to the material itself.

Momma's Boy

 When I found out I was pregnant the second time around, I was actually hoping for a girl. The practical and efficient side of me thought: How great would it be if I could reuse all of the old clothes again and not need to buy anything new!

Their due dates were 5 days apart, although my first was 6 days late, so due date for #2 was actually the day before #1's birthday. My morning sickness was just as bad if not worse than the first time. The seasons of my pregnancies were going to be identical so no need for new maternity clothes. How perfect was this? 

Well, as all things go, you can only plan so much. I ended up buying some maternity clothes anyway because I didn't buy a single maternity shirt the first time and stretched out a few of my regular shirts...sad day. Unfortunately, I can't wear those now anymore without looking a little too boxy. And, of course, we were having a boy instead of another girl.

I wasn't disappointed when I found out. Surprised, maybe, cause with all the pukey feelings and food aversions, I really thought it'd be another girl. But we were having a little boy. It actually brought a new excitement to this pregnancy. If I really didn't need to buy new clothes for this baby, we would have essentially spent $0 on baby things (not counting diapers) for our second. Not a bad thing to save money, but it takes the fun out of it. 

So last Thanksgiving and Christmas, I got to do some online shopping to purchase clothes and stock up on the basics. A few months later, we said hello to our little boy and bunkered down for a few months as the epidemic began. It's a good thing this wasn't our first baby. We did a lot of last-minute shopping for baby things with our first, so we had more than enough this time. 

I'll never know if it was because he was a boy, or he was our second child, or simply his temperament is much easier, but he's been an absolute dream from the beginning: started sleeping through the night around 2 months old, eats on a fairly predictable schedule, falls asleep on his own without needing to be rocked or held, and doesn't have a spit up problem. We'd been trained by one of the neediest babies ever, so it seemed, so when I experienced the feeling of laying a baby down in a crib, walking away, and finding him asleep 5 minutes later, it was like a miracle had happened right before my eyes!

But that's not even my favorite part.

Sometime between 2-3 months old, he started to do a happy squirm wiggle giggle whenever he'd see me after a prolonged period of time. This would happen if I went in to get him after he woke up from sleeping or if I walked away for a little bit and came back and looked at him. I don't ever remember my daughter doing this, and it is absolutely the cutest thing ever. 

My daughter is still the needier child, but she will always be special to me for some very personal reasons, and I'm thankful to have a daughter. But I'm also thankful to have a little boy whose face lights up in delight when he sees me. 

This is not how his face lights up when he sees me...but
this is one of the very few pictures we have together.

Plastic Bags

For the first time since I can remember, we're running low on plastic bags in our house. We've always had quite a collection from grocery runs and I've had to go from tying them into a knot to folding them neatly like little football triangles so we can fit them all in our pantry. (Who else out there knows what I'm talking about?)

First, let me explain why we don't use reusable shopping bags at the grocery store. I've never made a priority to bring my own bags because we actually use the plastic bags stores give you to bag groceries for other uses. All of our trash bags in the bathrooms and kitchen are lined with grocery store plastic bags. We do not purchase specific plastic bags for the trash* cans. Why buy something and use it once when you can get something and give it at least two uses in its lifetime? Even if grocery stores started charging a nickel or a dime for each bag, I might still pay occasionally for the bags because I know I get other uses out of them. 

*We buy one pack of the tall trash bags for our 13 gallon trash can and it lasts us at least four years because we only use that trash can for large objects or when we throw parties or large gatherings. In fact, we purchase plastic trash bags so infrequently that when Walmart changed their packaging from 50 bags to 45 bags, I actually noticed. Consumers beware: inflation doesn't solely come in higher prices. They get sneaky and keep the price the same and drop the quantity. Trash bag quantities are not the only item I've noticed had this happen.

I asked my husband one day why plastic shopping bags at the grocery stores were seen as such a "problem" when the plastic trash bags you can purchase and use at the grocery store are not. We came to the conclusion that the majority of people do not reuse plastic grocery bags. Our guess is they end up being littered or thrown away after arriving home without any second thought. 

I actually prefer the smaller 4 gallon wastebaskets for trash and t-shirt bags from grocery stores or takeout fit perfectly in them. We fill it up about once every 2 days, sometimes faster, sometimes slower, depending on what I'm cooking. If we used a large 13 gallon trash can in our kitchen, I think it would smell sooner than it would fill. This makes a huge difference any time I'm cooking fresh meat or shrimp. You want to bag the packaging up and take it out ASAP.

I try to use any (clean) plastic bag which enters into our home at least twice if possible. In some cases, you really can't, although my toddler really likes to play with the bubble wrap plastic packaging from some packages for a few days, so I count that as a second life. Some companies even ship their products in plastic bags with a second sticky seal on it in case you need to use it as a return package or use it for something else altogether. I have definitely found second uses for these types of plastic bags.

An example of a reused bag with a second sticky seal which I used.
Anyone want to take a guess what's in this bag?
Hint: It's not a package to be sent out and it's not something I'm keeping.

Bags that can't find second uses in our home (any bag that has ventilation holes in it, any bag that's torn or ripped, or any bag that is an usual shape and can't be reused, etc) will end up in a recycling pile to be taken back to a store to be recycled.

I'm all for using resources wisely and reusing/recycling instead of trashing. If you don't believe me, ask me what we do with the cold water from our bathroom while we wait for the shower to heat up. We also reuse our old laundry detergent containers as well as cooking wine bottles just to name a few. If there's a way to reuse something, I've probably done it or have thought about it. 

So, for now, we're running low on our plastic bags. It might mean we need to go on another grocery store run (that isn't Costco), or, it might mean we need to pull out the big trash can for a while. 

Happy Six Years!

Today is our six-year anniversary. In these six years of marriage, we’ve broken six glasses, five bowls, and one cutting board. I wish I could blame it on the kids, but they’ve actually had no part in our broken kitchenware. Yet. There will be plenty of time for that. 

Our wedding day. Taken by Victoria Liu

It’s been a fun six years. Things haven’t always been rainbows and butterflies, and we’ve had our fair share of disagreements and conflicts, but we have a lot of fun. These are six ways we've been able to enjoy each other's company and continue to have fun with each other. 

1. Be goofy together. 

We have lots of inside jokes together such as flying juice boxes, "cheers" popsicles, and pregnant belly dance moves. These are what make the classic stories to pass down to generations to come.

2. Don't fight over chores. 

It's really silly to fight over something that takes 5-10 minutes to do. We don't do 50/50 in our house. I have both cooked and washed the dishes on many occasions. My husband has also cooked and cleaned, mostly during the months when I had morning sickness, which has now happened twice. Fighting about not wanting to do it would probably cost us up to an hour or more. Not fighting about it and just doing it would probably save us 30-45 minutes at least.

3. Go on adventures.

Adventures don't have to be glamorous trips involving flying across the world to visit exotic places.  We've had many adventures consisting of driving to Walmart and browsing the clearance section for 30 minutes. Unfortunately with the current health concerns, we may never view these adventures the same or be able to do them, but we thoroughly enjoyed them, especially during our pre-kids years. Hopefully someday, the art of shopping in stores can become a leisurely past time again instead of a necessity for food. 

4. Eat good food.

Whether it be going out for takeout or cooking at home, good food can't be beat. It's so satisfying to be able to enjoy a good meal together. 

5. Look at each other. Really. 

Take some time every now and then to look at each other. We see each other all the time, but how often are you intentionally looking at each other? 

6. Hold hands

We don't get to hold hands much anymore. Between pushing strollers, holding children, and carrying bags, there are no free hands left to hold unless they belong to tiny people. When we actually do get to hold hands now, it possesses a newness to it that's almost strange. It doesn't happen often. If you're not someone who likes to hold hands, then...don't, I guess.

I've really enjoyed this extra time during quarantine/staying at home that we've had with each other. Most of the time it just involves doing more of the everyday things together: cooking, cleaning, watching the kids, eating meals, etc.

And now, I'll leave you with six more fun facts about us/our relationship.

1. When J was younger, he wishfully wanted to marry someone who had a grand piano. This indeed came true!

2. J says I was somehow able to traverse the friend zone. I hope he's glad I did. 

3. I grew up with a last name of 3 letters. It got shorter after we got married.

4.  J liked penguins. I liked teddy bears. Now we both like penguins.

5.  I thought I'd leave Dallas after college, and I did for a year. But, I found a reason to come back and stay. 

6.  We both joke that we definitely wouldn't have dated each other if we had met earlier or grew up together.

Happy Anniversary to my favorite person.❤️

Two babies and many extra pounds later, we still fit our wedding attire!

Mamalogues: Happy Birthday, Mommy

Today would have been my mother's 66th birthday. Sadly, she didn't even get to turn 50. 

We often look at age as a curse - we think of it as getting older. We think of it as our life getting shorter and our days being numbered. None of this is wrong, but it's definitely looking at it with the glass half empty. Age means you've lived longer. You've learned more. And most importantly, you get to experience and witness more out of life. 

Raising kids without my mother is probably the most difficult thing I've ever had to do and may ever have to do in my lifetime. I love looking at pictures of my babies and watching them change over the months and years and grow up. I love watching the way their faces and expressions change, and I've even purposely captured pictures of their screaming faces. Because I simply want to remember someday when the sleep deprivation and repeating myself 100 times a day stops. But at the same time that I love looking at photos of my children and the memories we're making together, I'll forever know that my mother will never be in them. Not one photo of my children will ever include her. 

I've shown pictures of her to my daughter. We went through a phase where she'd look through photo albums while eating her meals as a way to bribe her for bites. I pulled out some of my old family photo albums and showed them to her. She could pick out my dad and refer to him with no problem. But of course, she didn't recognize the other woman who appeared in the photos. I didn't go into detail now as she won't understand nor am I ready to explain to her. But one day, she will ask. Or I will choose to share with her. And that's going to be a hard day. She's going to look at this stranger and think to herself, "I don't know who this person is." And I'll have to tell her: "She's the grandmother you never got a chance to meet. 

***

After my daughter was born, I really missed my mother. My daughter was quite the handful of a baby. We were tired. And most of the time, we were just guessing at what we were supposed to do as new parents. I wondered what it would have been like to have my mother there. Chances are, in all honesty, illness aside, if my mother were alive when we had kids, she would have probably given me a little too much advice, done things in ways I didn't appreciate, and gotten on my nerves a little bit. And that would have been totally normal. But knowing what I do now, wishing that I could see her holding my babies would make those annoying moments worth it. 

Since having my son, I've wondered what having my mother around would have been like. It's hard to envision because she was so sick the last few years of her life, I don't remember my mother doing normal day-to-day activities. I don't remember her cooking. I don't remember her cleaning. I don't remember her sitting down and having a conversation with me. 

What do I remember? I remember administering her shots. I remember helping her drain fluid from her lungs and cleaning the area where the tube was inserted and re-bandaging it up in a way that was comfortable. I remember being careful which way to coil the tube so she'd feel it the least. I remember her saying she liked it best when I did it rather than when other people did it. I remember watching her take packets of pills everyday and swallowing them with food rather than water, because if she took a sip of water with every pill, she'd fill up and never want to eat anything. 

You know what else I remember? I remember the days when I was selfish, and I didn't want to help her. I didn't want to spend the 20 minutes it took to drain the fluids and re-bandage the area. I wanted to get on the computer and talk to my friends. I wanted to watch my show on television. 

I was 11 or 12. 

***

My mother and I weren't close. I didn't have deep, meaningful conversation with her. In the 9 years I had with her as a healthy person and the 4 years I had with her while she was sick, I remember my mother as the person who took care of the house. The person who picked us up from school. The person who washed my hair. The person who cooked. The person who disciplined me. The person who took care of us when we were sick. 

There's lots of things about my mother which I believe she did wrong as a mother. A lot of my parenting philosophies were based on things I didn't want to do because I was the product of them. My mother's personality is still within me, and there are moments when I feel myself become her as I parent my children. But I'd like to think I removed the parts of her which scarred me and took all the best parts of her and made them better. I hope my kids do see me as the person who takes care of the house, the person who picks them up from school, the person who washes their hair, the person who cooks, the person who disciplines, the person who takes care of them when they're sick. But more than that, I want them to see me as the person who loves them and cherishes them and supports them. 

Regretfully, I don't have many good memories with my mother. And because she was sick, the last memories I do have with her are tainted. But that doesn't change the fact that we loved each other as a mother and daughter do. 

Happy birthday. I miss you. 

Mid Year Check-In

At the beginning of the new year, I wrote a post with a few goals I wanted to accomplish. It's my version of a "New Year's Resolution." Well, Unfortunately for most people, 2020 has turned out to be one terrible year. You can read about my take on the terrible twos here, more for comedic relief than real talk. 

A whole six months has gone by. I can't tell you half of what I did in these six months, But I know the time has gone by because:

• I'm not pregnant anymore
• I have a second child
• There are more gray hairs on my head (I think...I'm not really counting...)

I started the year with three general "goals" I wanted to accomplish. 

1. Finish my cross-stitch
2. Find a new work-life balance
3. Keep my sanity

1. Finish My Cross-Stitch

I did! I finished my cross-stitch. I put in extra hours early this year, stitching at night, but I didn’t finish it before he was born. Somehow, after my son was born, I found time here and there to finish! It took me about three and a half years, but I finished it on June 28, 2020. This is my second large-scale cross-stitch that I've finished. Once again, the irony is that when I purchased this cross-stitch, I was living in China and single. When I finished it, I was living in the USA, married, with two kids two and under.

Originally, I bought this cross-stitch with a goal of finishing it before we had kids. That didn't happen. So then, I wanted to finish it before we were done having kids. That didn't happen either...but to my own credit, I only missed that goal by about three months.

Here it is!

Something often overlooked about cross-stitches is actually the back. If you enter a cross-stitch into a county fair or contest, they actually judge you more on the back than the front. Why is that? The back tells about the journey. Anyone can come up with a nice looking design on the front, but it takes dedication and patience to have a beautiful cross-stitch back.

So what is it about this journey that's so important? 

1. No Knots - cross stitching doesn't involve tying any knots. The ends of each thread are secured by looping your stitches on top of the ends. Every time you start a new thread, it must be secured in this way. 
2. Reaching over vs. starting new - I don't know if there's a technical term for this. If anyone's savvy enough in cross-stitch terminology, please let me know! But this is where instead of cutting the thread and starting in a new location, you take your thread from your last ending point and reach across the canvas to start it in a new location, therefore resulting in a very long piece of thread traveling on the back. It makes the back look messy and sloppy.
3. Consistency - The Xs on the front need to be crossed the exact same way in order to appear consistent and neat. This means if you stitch the bottom left to top right first, it has to be stitched first on every single X. When done correctly, the stitches on the back will all appear to be in the same direction instead of alternating vertical and horizontal stitches. 

Is it obvious to tell if someone's taken their time and cross-stitched the correct way? Yes. If you know what you're looking for, it's extremely obvious. One of the most telling signs is that the back of your cross-stitch should look exactly like the front.

Here's my back:

I have to say, I did a really nice job on this cross-stitch. I've been sloppy on previous ones in the past and learned the hard way, hence how I've been able to come up with my mental list of "what it takes to have a good cross-stitch." The design itself is not a difficult one, especially not compared to the last one I finished, but it fits perfectly for why I wanted to finish it: it's for my children. 

2. Find a New Work-Life Balance. 

I have been able to find a new work-life balance. In doing so, I've cut my students in half, I limit the hours I work, and I'm only teaching online right now. For most of this, I have to thank coronavirus actually. If the virus didn't exist, I would have pressured myself into taking all my students back which would be 12+ hours of teaching a week in five days. Add that onto taking care of my kids during the day while my husband was working as well as breastfeeding, or attempting to breastfeed my son, and that results in one crazy mom. 

I'll never forget the day I put my pump on the kitchen counter and pumped during my 30 minute break in between two lessons while cooking spaghetti on the stove for dinner at the same time after my daughter was born. I don't even know where she was. I think my husband was watching her. 

I'll be eternally grateful for coronavirus that I will not have to do that with my son this time around. But that's pretty much the only reason why I'm grateful for this virus. For everything else, it's ruined a lot of plans, trips, outings, and life in general. 

3. Keep my Sanity

As mentioned above, this virus has helped me to keep my sanity in certain ways. In others? Not so much. It's been a new learning curve to figure out how to plan grocery trips now and be intentional about what I buy. I've had to train my daughter into a daily routine/schedule that doesn't involve going on playdates or wandering stores for fun. But we've found other things that she has enjoyed during these last three months of staying at home and staying out of public places, which has also kept us from going crazy ourselves: going on bike rides in the bike trailer, swinging in our front lawn and "blasting off", swinging in our hammock, watching our neighbors mow and trim their lawns, going swimming in our neighbor's pool, watching bunnies and squirrels, digging in our flower beds which don't have flowers, and learning how to be a big sister, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. 

Overall, I think the transition to having two kids while maintaining both of our jobs and general lifestyle has been pretty smooth. The kids have kept me busy during all this staying at home, and to be honest, it's been nice. I wonder to myself what quarantine with no kids would have been like. I think I would have had a lot more time to do the things I wanted to do and no will to do them. Chances are, I would have sat at home, watched a lot of TV, or spent a lot of money shopping online, neither of which I have time to do now.

I hope despite all the terribleness this year has brought for many of us, you've been able to find some silver linings to reach some goals or discover something new for yourself. 

Here's to the second half of 2020. 

51 Mosquito Bites

I've been trying to think of something meaningful to write about in the last month with everything going on in society. I wanted to show that I was aware of what is going on. I wanted to show that I cared. But everything that I seemed to want to say or thought I should say seemed meaningless.

The other day, a mom dropped off a check to pay for her daughters' piano lessons. I went outside to say hi and we stood outside distanced from each other and talked for what turned into about 30 minutes. During that 30 minutes, I got feasted on by mosquitos: 51 bites. Mosquitos have always been extra attracted to me for some reason - something about certain blood types being more preferable than others. Mine is the most favored apparently. Never in my life have I been bitten this many times at once.

Needless to say, when I came back inside, I immediately washed my legs and feet to relieve the swelling. My husband asked me why I didn't just excuse myself and say I need to go inside because I was getting bit. I'm not sure why I didn't. I think it was a mix of not feeling like she and I were that close in relationship to be able to excuse myself but also that I enjoyed having some adult conversation with someone other than my husband since it happens so rarely now since we don't leave the house except for food.

For the next few days, I felt this insane itching that would continue throughout the day. Occasionally, I'd distract myself with something long enough to forget about it for a while, but it would come back. Sometimes, it was the bites on my feet. Other times it was the bites behind my knees. And sometimes it was the bites on my knees. It was always at least one of them, somewhere, itching, beckoning me to succumb to the feeling and scratch.

When I knelt on the floor to change my daughter's diaper, or sat on the couch, or when my daughter kicked me with her feet when eating, it caused me to think about them. It caused them to be irritated and itch. I'd wake up in the middle of the night scratching, subconsciously. I tried all sorts of home remedies to make the itching stop and wish them to heal. I'd poke them with my fingernails hoping the pain I felt would overpower the itching I felt. 

And then it hit me. These annoying bites, 51 to be exact, were causing me an incessant frustration for more than two days - they haven't healed yet. In the tiniest little way, it allowed me to experience a fraction of what the black people out there feel when they can't leave the house at certain times wearing certain clothes with certain things. It allowed me to experience what it's like to be constantly reminded that there is something to be wary of, a reason to be careful, a reason to fear. 

I read an article online about a boy sharing the rules his mother told him to follow when leaving the house. Some of you may have seen it circulating on social media as well. 

– Don’t put your hands in your pockets.

– Don’t put your hoodie on.

– Don’t be outside without a shirt on.

– Check in with your people, even if you’re down the street.

– Don’t be out too late.

– Don’t touch anything you’re not buying.

– Never leave the store without a receipt or a bag, even if it’s just a pack of gum.

– Never make it look like there’s an altercation between you and someone else.

– Never leave the house without your ID.

– Don’t drive with a wifebeater on.

– Don’t drive with a du-rag on.

– Don’t go out in public with a wifebeater or a du-rag.

– Don’t ride with the music too loud.

– Don’t stare at a Caucasian woman.

– If a cop stops you randomly and starts questioning you, don’t talk back, just compromise.

– If you ever get pulled over, put your hands on the dashboard and ask if you can get your license and registration out.

Someone, male, not black, commented something along the lines of "I was told to follow all these rules, too, growing up. What's so special?"

What's so special? What's so special is that if you, or anyone not black, were to forget to follow one of these rules, it would be an "oops, I messed up" kind of moment. But if someone, black, forgets to follow one of these rules, it may cost him his life. I'm using the masculine pronoun simply for ease of understanding. It's highly possible that black women feel the need to follow these rules (with a few changes) to a certain extent as well for fear of losing their life.

This is a menial comparison when it comes to even trying to begin to feel the pain, frustration, and anger that black people do. But these bites have allowed me to feel just a little bit more for them. 

Are you feeling yet?