One of the hardest aspects of life is to prevent external influences from changing your opinions. There are some instances where this is actually a good thing. Like when all your friends are telling you to stop smoking or to drink less or to stop playing computer games for a few hours to spend with your girlfriend (haha). These are all good examples of external influences. I'm talking about the external influences that cause us to go from positive thinking to negative thinking.
I will never forget my very last competition as a young pianist. I was 17 and somehow conveniently forgot to tell my dad I had a competition on a Saturday because I just figured my dad wouldn't be doing anything and had time to drive me down to Dallas to compete. Well, it was about 4 hours before my performance time, and my dad told me not to compete that day if I wasn't comfortable driving. I knew I wasn't going to do that because I had worked so hard.
I looked up directions on Google Maps on how to drive to Dallas taking all local roads because I was too scared to take the highway. I didn't want to add extra stress to my day, but I wanted to compete. So I drove myself. I gave myself ample time, drove slowly, and made it to the church. I performed well enough to land myself a spot in the finals, requiring a second performance, this time open-audience. I was used to competitions at this time in my life so playing for others didn't phase me. I ended up placing 3rd and earned myself my final trophy among my collection of musical accolades. I drove home very satisfied and proud of myself for having driven myself all the way down and back.
I told my teacher my results and he was happy for me. He probably told me "Good job" or something along those lines, not too congratulatory but enough to show he was pleased. He took a trip to Hong Kong right after and I had a few weeks off from lessons. After he returned, he asked if I wanted to have a lesson, and instead, I quit, and he was furious. I won't get into the details of why I quit, but he did not respond well. In his angry email to me "subtly" telling me I was making the worst mistake of my life, he said, "To be honest, she could have won the first prize....if she had tried a little bit more harder [sic]." This logical fallacy still makes me angry to think about because it's exactly the kind of thinking that is incorrectly ingrained into the heads of students. How could my teacher say this with such confidence? There is no merit to what he said. He was not the judge of the competition. In fact, he was not even at the competition. We as individuals all have the capability to perform our best performance. However, our best, even in the most perfect way, may not be good enough to win first prize. My teacher didn't even know the backstory about how my dad told me not to compete at all because he couldn't drive me.
Your biggest competition is always yourself, and you should always remember that. I have been the performer who has had memory slips in a competition and still ended up being chosen as one of the top 3. I have been the performer who has performed what I thought was a near-flawless performance and ended up winning nothing. We can only control how much work and effort we put in and our performance during our short five minute window to shine. The rest is someone else's opinion.
Parents, teachers, friends, when you know someone in a competition - your child, friend, or student - don't be like my piano teacher, suddenly changing his perspective because of an external situation. Let your praise be praise and your criticism be constructive. Be kind, be supportive, and know that the student is going to be his or her own toughest competition.
