Paper Blinds

16 years ago when my family moved into our new house (which is still my dad's current house,) we had the builders install window blinds for us. However, before the blinds arrived, we asked them to cover up the windows so we'd have some privacy without people looking in as they walked past. They put up these paper blinds on all the windows until the blinds were delivered and installed.

After the real blinds were put up, we saved every single paper blind and shoved them all in a cabinet in the laundry room. My mother's mentality was, "You never know when they'll come in handy again." Yes, mother.

They sat in the laundry room cabinet for years, and years, and years, and years, and years. And it's a slight miracle nobody threw them out. I don't think anyone ever even opened the cabinet actually.

Fast forward about 14 years when my husband and I bought our house. It had its fair share of problems. The blinds were actually very minor in comparison to the other issues we encountered. They were mismatched between the rooms - 2 inch faux wood here, vinyl mini blinds there - as well as some that had been damaged and chewed up. The ones in working condition were yellowed with age and dated-looking.

The blinds in our bedroom were the ones which had been damaged and chewed up. Rather than leave them in their current half-functioning state, we took the blinds down altogether, retrieved the 14 year old paper blinds tucked away so neatly in storage from my dad's house, and taped them to our windows. (Yes, I remembered they were still there.)

As you can see in the background,
our paper blinds being put to use once again.

Blinds were one of the projects that constantly got shoved on the back burner because there was always something else needing work. I occasionally looked to see if anything was on sale, but the prices only seemed to be increasing. Also, with the paper blinds up, it was very easy not to notice them as a problem and just to see them as the real blinds in our house. Aesthetically, it was not the best, but when you've seen something day after day, it becomes your normal, and you accept it.

Recently, I stumbled across some blinds on sale and curiosity actually led me to go online and search the website for our sizes. I found some that would work for a few of our rooms and went ahead and bought them. We were able to get them installed in our bedroom and swap out the paper blinds.

Bye bye paper!

It's actually quite nice to be able to sit at my desk and write this blog while having a slight view of our backyard outside. Before, the light was able to filter in through the paper, but it was still opaque enough not to see through. Now, I can steal glimpses at yellowing grass.

I can just imagine my mother's voice saying to me, "See, you found a use for the paper blinds! Aren't you glad we kept them all these years?" Yes, mother. 

I am glad we kept them, and I am glad we got a good two and a half years of use out of them. What I wouldn't remind her of is that home improvement stores actually sell those paper blinds...and they're not super cheap either! 

If we had the money and budget to buy blinds two and a half years ago, I wouldn't be here telling this story of how we reused old folded paper. So I guess the story credit would have to go to our frugalness.

Real blinds are still better. 

Teddy

This is Teddy.



Today is Teddy's 17th birthday. She's been through a lot with me these last nearly two decades, and she wasn't supposed to be mine to begin with.

Our Sunday school teacher at church motivated us with a point system. We would earn points for memorizing Bible verses, completing worksheets, and participating in class. The points could be used to trade for prizes at the end of the semester. I didn't particularly care about earning points so I didn't make an effort to do anything extra aside from going to class on Sundays because I had to go to church.

On the Sunday when we were trading in our points for prizes, the teacher pulled out an array of toys, games, and trinkets, and displayed them on the table. He called up the students first with the highest points earned that year to choose their prizes. After everyone with points had chosen their prizes, he was still left with a lot of toys and gifts on the table. He piled them all back into his bag but then changed his mind and pulled them back out again and set them on the table. He started calling us up one at a time to go pick something, not because we had earned the points to get a prize, but because he deemed us worthy of choosing one. He called me up to pick a prize and said I paid attention in class and didn't disrupt the class during lessons.

I timidly walked up and picked one of the few remaining teddy bears from the table and brought it back to my seat. From the very beginning, there was something so charming and so cute about this little bear.

Over the years, this bear has seen it all - the good days and the bad. Her wounds and scars are just a sampling of the experiences we've endured together. Her nose is no longer perfectly smooth and shiny, but chipped in small places from years of play and some abuse. There's a furless line running down the front from every time she's been through the washing machine, each time growing a little longer until it reached from her neck seam to the leg. She's missing toes on her left leg because the threads have pulled out. Her stuffing and beads are all mashed up and in the wrong places now. Both of her legs have been torn through years of ransom tug of war with my mother, and of course, I'd always have to let go through tears when I heard the seam rip. And my mother always sewed it up because she knew how I loved the bear.

I actually ran into my old Sunday school teacher at our church about a year ago. I mustered up the courage to walk up to him and say hi. He vaguely remembered that class and some of the other students. I told him about the bear he'd given to me and how I still had it. He met my husband and was a bit surprised at how early we'd gotten married.

Even now, 17 years later, weathered and worn, she possesses this same charm and cuteness. Happy birthday little bear. I've not forgotten that you were given to me through grace.

Happy Birthday

Today is one of my student's birthdays. He's a sweet little boy bursting at the seams with energy. When he first started with me, I really wanted to talk to mom about waiting to take lessons because he was bouncing off the bench at every lesson. I think part of it was also my lack of energy and not feeling well early on in pregnancy. Three months later, he's been one of my fastest students to learn how to read notes on a staff! He still has boundless energy and can't sit still, but I'm definitely more equipped to handle that when I feel like myself instead of nauseated.

Today is his birthday, and ever since I started teaching I told myself I wanted to do something special for my kids on their birthday. Most of them get a card. Sometimes if I know the student a little better, I can get them a small trinket. But even then, a card from your piano teacher is pretty special.




Especially when your name is embossed in silver glitter :)

As a piano student myself years ago, my teacher never paid any attention to my birthday. I honestly don't think he ever knew it, although it was probably tucked away in a contact info binder somewhere. My last birthday spent as a piano student, I remember being reprimanded because I was excited for my birthday party (and apparently wasn't practicing enough because of my excitement...) and wanted to try fake nails for homecoming that year. He gave me a look of disgust and told me they had to be gone right after the dance was over. Little did he know, less than 24 hours after putting them on, I spent the night painstakingly taking them off because as nice as they looked and as much as I loved the clickety-clack sound, I couldn't stand the feeling of my nails being so long after all. Being a pianist for 12 years had trained my sensations far too well, and even now, I keep my nails trimmed quite short.

This boy is only turning six. I hope he never has to experience the guilt of being overly excited for his birthday because his piano teacher wasn't satisfied with his performance. I hope he keeps his bubbly personality no matter how well or poorly he plays piano. And I hope regardless of how long I teach him, he will have a good memory of me. Because in the end I don't think it's what we offer to others that creates the legacy. It's who we are when we offer them.

The Last will be First and the First will be Last

The ones hired in the morning agreed to work for one denarius. The ones hired in the afternoon who worked fewer hours were still paid one denarius. There's nothing unfair about this because each individual agreed to what was arranged. Although still just as important, my title is inferring something just a bit different to Jesus's parable in Matthew.

We bought our house with three full bathrooms ranging in size from small to medium to large. The only one considered updated at the time was the small bathroom. Seven months after closing, we embarked on our first full-on DIY bathroom renovation and worked on the medium bathroom. It took us about three weeks working late nights and weekends along with our day jobs. After completing this project, this bathroom now became the nicest one in the house.

Obviously, we were still using our master bathroom. The original toilet seven years older than us and a super skinny shower door were nothing compared to the convenience of having an attached en suite.

Three and a half months ago, we made the decision to do our last and largest renovation project on the inside of our house - not completely DIY. We said goodbye to our 80's bathroom which is now remembered solely by these pictures alone:

Vanity Before

Take 2: Goodbye nasty cabinets that previous
homeowners did not take care of keeping clean

Shower: Goodbye 18 inch shower door that's
almost too skinny for a 24-inch-waisted person
to walk through straight-on

Bathtub: A very inefficiently small oval tub in a large space

And then came the fun but physically stressful part: Demolition. Last we left off, everything was boxed up and placed at the curb outside in a limited exhibition. Here's what the inside looked like.

Look at that him go with that 20 pound tool. That was no joke. 

Even just blogging about this and seeing the in-progress pictures is already making me tired again. We were thankful to have been able to move to a spare bedroom in our house and use the other bathrooms to completely clear the space so it didn't really feel like we were living through a renovation. We also had the luxury of a door to the back patio from our bedroom which the contractors used, so they stayed out of the main living area of the rest of our house so I could teach and live somewhat normally. However, I won't downplay the amount of cleaning we had to do in our bedroom and bathroom after the contractors finally finished walking in and out of our room and bathroom. There was a lot of vacuuming and a lot of mopping.

In the end, our bathroom, which ended up last to be renovated and took the most patience (in waiting for contractors to come and finish their parts) and money, is now the nicest space to bathe in our house.

New vanity with double the storage as before and a much more refreshing color scheme.

New tub - takes up just as much space as the last one, but double the bathing space
with a much more spa-like appearance and style.

We borrowed about half of the space which used to be that giant cabinet
and enlarged the shower. Frameless glass makes the shower open to the
rest of the bathroom and gives it a clean, sleek design. The door is
the proper width and built to today's code.

We haven't finished the shelves to the left of the shower yet (as you can see from the empty space in the last picture), but we're not in a rush. And having tapped out of the project halfway through due to other priorities....I'm definitely giving my husband a break on that one.

We also don't have mirrors yet because we haven't found ones that are the right size which we like. If you have any ideas, please let us know where to shop! We've scrounged Homegoods, Ross, At Home, and Kirklands.

I've also mentioned to Jonathan several times that I will not be attempting anymore large-scale DIY renovation projects around the house after this one. Not sure if it's the pregnancy stealing my energy and motivation away, or if my first-house-energy is truly drained. Either way, we will definitely be taking it easy for a LONG time in terms of house projects. However, we will not be taking it easy in terms of life for the next 18 years.....

Bye Bye AIM

Recently, AIM announced that in December of this year, they will be completely shutting down. For most of us who hit our teens around the turn of the century back in 2000, AIM was the way to communicate. Since most of us didn't have cell phones yet, we'd get home from school, log onto the computer, and sign onto AIM for hours at a time. It was a huge distractor from getting homework done, and definitely the coolest way to communicate at the time. Our buddy lists were organized in a certain fashion and the VIPS were listed somewhere up at the top. We could even set alerts for when specific "special" people signed on. And invisible mode to avoid those we didn't wish to talk to.

Most of us remember using AIM to talk for hours with our BFFs, BFs, GFs, or just to have a social life. We remember starting and ending relationships over AIM. We remember asking each other for help with homework or doing group project meetings in a chat room. We remember creating multiple screen names so we could sign on secretively and simply talk to those we wanted to and avoid the rest. But one of my most fond memories of AIM (because I have plenty of memories I'm not fond of) was using it to complete a project in the 10th grade.

In Humanities, we had a project....somewhere in our Greek/Roman unit. It was near the end of the school year and we had to showcase our knowledge of five important people from the time period (I think.) For my project, I created a yearbook and had my five important people attempt to work together to complete a year-end project in their creative arts class. I made them each a screen name on AIM and signed into all five at once and created a chatroom conversation between the five of them. Thinking back, it was a lot of fun to create, but a lot of work to play five different characters all at once. I had to make sure I was typing in the right AIM window at the right time so the right person would be saying the right dialogue. The entire conversation ended up being eight pages long.

A1exand3rth3Gr8t
Mich31ange1o
Arist0tle says
Stuck 1nLimb0
Egyptian Qu33n17

I went back to my dad's house to retrieve this gem of a project, which is now over 10 years old, and revisit their chatroom conversation. I read the entire thing aloud to Jonathan, and through it, I was quite surprised at how witty I was for a 16 year old doing a high school project. (I also found a few typos and missed words, but hey, that happened in real life AIM conversations, too, right?) Amidst the mandatory "this is a school project and I need to cram in the necessary information to score points on my rubric," there were a number of moments scattered about which made me think, "Man, this was a well-executed project."

In addition to being a school project, I was able to add some hints of entertainment throughout and use real life anecdotes to keep it interesting.



I rode the bus to and from home that year, and someone really did throw a can out the window one afternoon on our way home. Our bus driver wasn't the friendliest guy either. He literally stopped the bus in the right lane of a rather busy main street, walked all the way down to lecture this kid and closed every single window on the bus. We were all about 45 minutes late arriving at our stops that afternoon.

One of the two Humanities teachers was also the person who inspired the title of my first book I self-published years ago. Ever since he mentioned it in class that day, the phrase stuck with me and I still haven't forgotten it. Depending on who actually graded my project - since we had two teachers and they usually split the work - if it was indeed him who read through this conversation, I hope he had a good grin at the reference.




I don't know how many students ever incorporated the use of AIM for a school project, but after December, nobody will ever be able to. I'm glad I thought of this 10 years ago and that it turned out well. Unfortunately, this class was definitely my lowest grade...probably in all of high school, but I got an A on the project. :)

Capable and Efficient

*I've had so many thoughts over the last few months, but things have just been so chaotic and I haven't had a chance to really process. So here's the first of catching up on months worth of blog posts.*

Jonathan and I joke around that my middle name was efficient. That's just the way I like to do things: very orderly, in an organized fashion, efficiently, and well. If I didn't know how to do it efficiently, I would figure it out. I would even joke with him that he married me because I was capable and efficient. We all know that's not true.

Well, after I got pregnant, I learned very suddenly and very quickly that I was going to be neither capable nor efficient for a while. I was not one of the lucky women who breezes through first trimester without feeling sick. I didn't wash the dishes. I didn't cook. I couldn't look at a computer screen for long periods of time. Any hint of smells sent me running. I didn't want to eat anything. We couldn't eat meals together or even in the same room. My stomach felt like it was churning constantly. I could barely get myself to shower. I went from being the wife who could work an eight-hour day, leave the office, run to two grocery stores, come home, and have a home-cooked meal ready by 6:30 pm, to this slob of a person who only changed when she had piano lessons to teach, and spent the other waking hours of the day in bed sleeping or hugging the toilet.

There was one lesson when one of my younger students even commented, "Is that your kitchen? It looks messy." I just politely smiled back and said, "Yes, that is my kitchen, and yes, it's a little messy. I haven't had time to clean it lately." Of course, in my head, I was secretly muttering, you have no idea what my life is like right now, kid. 

Despite my inefficiencies and lack of capability to do much of anything for myself, my wonderful, sweet husband stepped it up about 500% and took over at home after working a full day's work. We were blessed with friends who shared food for us him so he didn't have to live a bachelor lifestyle of PBJ and cold cut sandwiches for weeks on end. He washed the dishes, or I got used to living with dirty dishes piling in the sink for a while until he had time to load the dishwasher - this is where two people having 12 sets of plates and bowls and silverware for eight is NOT excessive. He fetched things for me when I felt too sick or too afraid to move for fear to get sick. He went out a countless number of times to buy things for me to eat or drink because I just had to have that specific item right then and there, and because hardly anything was staying down, we tried everything to find something that would.

Not only did he take over the daily household chores at home, but he singlehandedly finished the remaining DIY parts of our bathroom after the contractors did their part. He painted the cabinets, patched and painted the walls where we had removed old shelving, installed two vanity lights, two faucets, two P-traps, two towel rings, one toilet paper holder, and one towel bar, swept the floor, mopped the floor, and re-caulked the baseboards and crown molding. This doesn't even include the night he exterminated an ant infestation in our kitchen at 10pm at night.

And he did it all without complaining or getting irritated at me for not being able to do more.

I'm very grateful to be finally feeling better after what feels like a very long two months. It's refreshing to be able to get up and do things around the house without feeling like a complete potato (which we joked I wasn't even comparable to a potato because at my lowest, I probably had less nutrition in me than a potato). I'm slowly feeling more and more like myself, although some moments of queasy still sneak up on me here and there.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever go back to being my old, normal self, but I don't think our normal will ever be the same again. And honestly, it's okay. What needs to get done will get done whether efficiently or messily. And everything else finds a way.

Bathroom: 1983

I channeled my inner artist this weekend and created a conceptual art installation entitled Bathroom:1983

Materials: slate. porcelain. ceramic. brass. glass. wood. metal. paper. plaster. concrete. sand.

In this installation, approximately 1000 pounds of material are strategically placed alongside the curb to display an original 1983 bathroom. The materials are placed along the curb in disarray to illustrate a transition to the year 2017. The toilet tank itself has the year 1983 etched on the inside for proof of age. In 1983, the materials for this bathroom would have been top of the line, luxury pieces. In current times, this fashion belongs out on the curb to be hauled away.

This limited engagement piece will be on display until 7 am on Tuesday, July 25th. You don't want to miss it!






In all seriousness, we collectively demolished and hauled to the curb over 4x our combined body weight in mass. Definitely one of our largest projects to undertake.

Stay tuned for future updates and the next art piece ;)

Free Marketing

A college professor gave our entire class Randy Pausch's book, The Last Lecture when we graduated. (Fun fact: When Jonathan and I met, there were two books which we both coincidentally owned. This was one of them!) It was a quick but insightful read. He wrote a chapter about $100,000 salt and pepper shakers. I've always loved that chapter and remembered it because its lesson is very practical - Pay it forward. You never know what may come as a result. Here's my own rendition.

Last Tuesday, J and I made a spontaneous decision to go out at night after I finished teaching at 8:15 pm. We don't usually do this since most stores are close to closing by that time, but last Tuesday, I really felt the urge to need to go somewhere. I had spent all day Monday and all day Tuesday indoors and did not once leave the house - working from home problems, right? I know.

So we decided to trek out to one of the few places which does not close at 9 pm on a weekday that isn't a restaurant - Walmart. As we walked into the store, we passed by the usual array of machines that dispensed toys and candy for some number of quarters.



This time, as we glanced by, we both noticed one machine that had an assortment of panda bear erasers. We went over and decided that if I had three quarters in my wallet, we'd try and get one. Turns out, I did. So we put my quarters in and turned the knob. I flipped open the little door and there was no container inside with any bear. I was extremely disappointed and let down. The one time I decided to buy one, it jammed.

We noticed the phone number in the corner of the machine to call customer service. I called, and the voicemail that came up told me to go to their website to process a refund. We spent the rest of our Walmart trip slightly annoyed at having spent three quarters for nothing. It's more the principle than needing the toy itself, but let's be real, I really wanted to get a pink-colored panda eraser.

Once I arrived home, I immediately got on my computer, went to the website, and wrote their customer service a note about how I did not get what I had paid for from one of their machines. I was honest with what happened but poised in my words. Days passed and I received no reply. I figured they wouldn't respond and I wasn't getting my refund.

Today, I got the mail and saw a letter with three coin imprints on the outside of the envelope. When I looked closer and saw the sender, I realized that my message had been received and I was actually getting my refund!

Never have I been more ecstatic to receive three quarters.

Although bummed I did not get my panda eraser, I'm glad their customer service was responsive and responsible in getting this situation amended. I'm sure a few quarters may not seem like much, but to me it makes a world of difference. They've restored my faith in knowing that in the future, if we ever encounter an issue from their machines, they will follow through in sending refunds for machine errors.

Like most people, I've experienced my fair share of excellent customer service as well as horrible customer service. For the companies who have given me grief, I don't have high regards to speak about them. On the contrary, for the companies who have been kind in meeting my needs or exceeding my needs, I have nothing but free marketing for them.

Bus Number 63

About a week ago, my husband and I were going out to enjoy our evening together. As we waited at a traffic light, I saw a school bus drive up past us a few lanes over. It was bus number 63.

Bus 63

I rode this bus as a child.

When I was in fourth grade, they offered all of us in the top math class to take the fifth grade diagnostic test to see how well we would score. Three of us scored above 85 I believe on the fifth grade test, which was pretty impressive to be well above passing for the grade higher. The three of us were placed in a fifth grade math class for the rest of the year. Although I could handle it, math class was definitely a challenge that year.

We moved the summer after fourth grade. It was kind of unexpected and on the down low. I never really said goodbye to my friends...kind of slipped away silently. It was also just 15 minutes down the street. Unfortunately, that was enough for me to need to switch schools even though I was in the same district. When I started school that fall, they just gave me the normal schedule for a fifth grader. I was in a fifth grade math class, and it was boring. I don't remember who initiated or what instigated the change, but someone said something to the school which notified them I'd already taken a year of fifth grade math. After some special arrangements were made, I had a personal bus come pick me up at the elementary school about 2 pm everyday and drive me to the middle school for 7th period which was from about 2:40 pm to 3:30 pm. Just for the record, if you think 7 hours of school is long, I endured almost 8 hour school days for an entire year as a fifth grader, starting at 7:45 as an elementary student and ending at 3:30 as a middle school student.

I rode bus number 63. The driver was Mr. Bill. Almost everyday, he would pull the bus up the front of the school, I would notify the secretary that I was leaving, and then hop on to head off to the middle school. He would talk to me and tell me stories, and I would mostly listen as a shy 11 year old. It's from him that I learned about diamond mines in Arkansas. He was shocked I could not recognize Christina Aguilera or Britney Spears in pictures (because I'm pretty sure most 11-year-old girls at the time probably idolized them...). He was the one who told me about the neighborhood being built at the corner of two streets we used to drive by and how there were going to be approximately 200 homes. That neighborhood is now completely built up and over 10 years old. He always had his bus decorated for some occasion or with pictures and passed out candy to all his riders during the holidays, including me. I always got first dibs.

Sometimes, he would have other routes to drive and I would have other buses arranged to pick me up. Those drivers were never quite the same. They just picked me up and dropped me off. I also had to act as a GPS for them when they didn't know the route. So I definitely knew my directions as a child for all the necessary places - like how to get to my next class which happened to be at a different school.

I didn't see Mr. Bill very much after fifth grade. He drove a route for my middle school, (the same school he dropped me off at), but I didn't ride it. There was no bus to our house at the time because we were only 1.8 miles from the school. Sometimes he would see my brother and me walking home because we walked in the same direction his bus pulled out toward, and he would wave at me with both hands away from the steering wheel with big wide eyes and a goofy smile. 

I haven't seen him in almost 15 years now. Last I heard, he cut his long, wavy, red-orange hair and was moving because he got offered an office job. I was happy for him, but I knew his kids would miss him. He was one of the happiest and kindest people.

But I saw his bus.

The 14th Year

When I was 13, I wrote my mother a letter. In this letter I told her my secrets I'd never said aloud including my 13-year-old boy problems. Mothers have intuition and know things, but I'm sure she would have rather I told her myself. In this letter, I also told her about all the big important events in my life that were coming in the future: learning how to drive, high school graduation, college life, college graduation, getting a job, getting engaged, getting married, buying a house, and having kids. And I told her how hard it would be to experience all these life events knowing that she wouldn't be there to see and experience them with me. I wrote this letter and put it in her casket the night of her viewing, the Wednesday after she died, the last time I ever physically saw her, even though she didn't look anything like the way I remembered her as my mother.

That was 13 years ago. As I sit on the floor of my bedroom in my own house nostalgically reminiscing over how long ago it was and how short the time has felt, I realize I've experienced almost everything I knew she was going to miss. My dad taught me how to drive in a church parking lot down the street from where we lived on Saturday mornings, and I still drive the same car. I graduated from high school the best I knew how, structuring my own schedule and motivating myself to work. No Ivy League scholar here, but I completed my homework, studied for my tests, and kept my integrity. I breezed through college in three years, made new friends, had ups and downs, and graduated in what felt like a whirlwind. I accepted my first full-time job teaching overseas and moved myself and four bags of belongings halfway across the world for a year.

After moving back, I started dating, got engaged, and got married. The wedding was hard without her. She wasn't the one who came dress shopping with me. She wasn't at the wedding. And she's never met my husband. He and I bought a house together, and she's never seen it. I'm sure she would have hated it and told us over and over again not to buy it. Because that's who my mother was and what she would have said - she would have seen all the ugliness and all the work and money involved and said, "No. Don't buy it." It's true. It was ugly. If you've ever seen the house before or pictures of it, you'll know. It was bad. Not Fixer Upper bad, but bad enough to drive away most sane people. BUT. It gave us the opportunity to leave our own mark, renovate, and call it our own.

Today is extra special in a sad way. My 13 short years with her will always remain 13 short years. I've remembered every year on this day how many years have passed since she died. Today is the beginning of my 14th year without her. This number has never exceeded the number of years I had with her, but now it does, and it always will. It's terrifying and kind of scary to know at such a young age, I've already lived half my life without my mother.

I met a violin teacher this year and she asked me to be her pianist for her student recital. I was happy to take the job and play for her kids. At one of the rehearsals for her recital, she brought her 2.5 year old daughter. I was able to play with her between practices and also watched her by the car when her mom forgot her purse with the keys inside the building and had to retrieve them. When she came back, she said to me, "You would make a really good mother." That meant a lot considering she'd only interacted with me about three times in total.

Now there are no buns warming in the oven yet, and I wouldn't conceal something so exciting into such bittersweet reminiscing. But it's always been my fear. And even greater than the fear of being an unprepared and inadequate mother myself is the fear of my children never knowing their maternal grandmother. What will that be like? I don't know.

I love my life. I really do. I catch myself every now and then feeling the awe and wondering how life became so good for me with a wonderful job, amazing husband, and a beautiful home. Because I remember what it was like to live in constant pain and grief. I remember what it was like to be depressed and feel the never ending sadness from heartaches, just dragging my feet to make it through a day at a time. And I don't feel that anymore. I haven't felt it in many, many years. But I still miss my mother.

Part 5: Airbnb in Hawaii - My Take

Catch up on this series here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

The first time we stayed at an Airbnb, a friend booked it for all of us going out of town for a wedding. I didn't experience the actual booking experience, but I thought the condo was fine. It saved us money and we were able to spend more time with our friends.

We booked Airbnbs for Hawaii mainly to save money. Hawaii, although still part of the US, definitely has an "exotic" feel to it, and with that "exotic" feel, comes steeper prices for things such as hotels. Even the cheaper motels would run about $150 dollars per night. The nicer hotels and resorts ran a minimum of $250-$300 dollars a night. And these are pretax prices! Had we been on our honeymoon or something I think I would have insisted on staying at a nicer resort somewhere. Being a longer trip - 7 nights - we opted for a more frugal route: Airbnb.

This trip was booked only about a month in advance so we had to act fast to even reserve a place on Airbnb. We ended up booking two different locations for our trip: one was closer to the mountains and hiking, and the other was closer to the coast and the water attractions.

Airbnb #1 Facts: private bedroom. shared bathroom. shared living space. breakfast (milk, cereal, tea, coffee). designated parking. wifi. tv. mini fridge in bedroom. towels and toiletries.

Airbnb #2 Facts: private bedroom. private bathroom ensuite. shared living space. street parking. wifi. tv. minimum towels and toiletries.

Airbnb #1 Summary: We really thought the shared bathroom was going to suck staying at this airbnb. I didn't look closely while booking and overlooked the shared bathroom. In my defense, the listing wasn't super clear as to whether the bathroom was private or not. And then I kept thinking we would share the bathroom with the owners of the house. It's actually shared with other tenants in a second bedroom they rent out. After arriving, it just immediately felt like home. Everything was so clean. They were very generous with what they provided: shampoo, conditioner, body wash, sunscreen, toothpaste, floss, hair dryer, lotion, and towels. They were more than accommodating for what we needed, and we're not talking the cheap stuff either. They had Dove body wash and Pantene shampoo. Definitely Costco, but definitely not "cheap".  They also provided extras such as beach chairs and umbrellas as well as beach towels. It also worked in our favor that our first two nights there, we ended up having a private bathroom anyway because the next tenant hadn't arrived yet. In the mornings while eating breakfast, we'd usually chat with the owners and share about our plans for the day and get some feedback from them. It was extra ironic because they had lived in Mckinney for 10+ years and they still visit Dallas about once or twice a year to see family. What are the chances right? When the second tenant arrived, we hardly crossed paths with the shared bathroom. Except for the first night when his TV was turned up super loud, he was very pleasant.

When we left their house halfway through the trip, it was definitely bittersweet. They were a wonderful family to stay with and we really enjoyed our time with them.

Airbnb #2 Summary: Booking this Airbnb was kind of a pain. At first everything was fine, but then the week before our trip, I didn't hear from her for an entire week. Finally, the day before we were heading to her place, she messaged us saying there was going to be a change of plans because the original place we booked needed maintenance and wouldn't be available. So she was going to "upgrade" us to a beachfront condo with the same private bed and bath as reserved. At that point we didn't have much choice so it was fine and we just went with it. Well, I'll never know what the original place we booked was supposed to be like, but the upgrade didn't really feel like much of an upgrade....except that it was beachfront, the kind of beachfront where you walked across the street to the beach, not the kind of beachfront where you step outside onto the beach.

This particular owner was also very finicky with the bills. She posted signs in the kitchen and wrote in her messages on Airbnb multiple times to save electricity/water because the prices were so high. She just gave off a bad vibe of being stingy. And yea, I get that. Being very frugal and conscientious about money myself, I really understand. However, we're on vacation. And as the landlord, you should factor that into your rent. If you see a higher usage trend in water and electricity, you should raise your rates to accommodate.

I really didn't enjoy the second Airbnb we stayed at. It was more than enough for a place to shower and sleep for the night, but I didn't feel relaxed or at ease while staying there.

Specifically for Hawaii, we chose Airbnb because the price couldn't be beat. Airbnb is definitely not for everyone. If you need that private space with higher standards and have the means, get the hotel or resort. However, I will say that staying with the owners of the house was a much more pleasant experience. Having a private bathroom at our first location would have made it so much better, but getting to talk with them and learn about Hawaii from a local standpoint was worth it. I would also definitely read the comments from other Airbnb users about their stay. I went back later and read about the actual second location we stayed at (not the one we originally booked), and many people made comments about it feeling like an investor property whose owner is just doing the minimum to maximize profit - totally true.

All in all, we were grateful to have a place to shower and sleep at night. And the cable TV with Food Network and HGTV helped. :)

Think

One of the more influential classes I took in college was a rhetoric class for my degree plan. It was not an easy class, I did not make an A, and quite frankly the professor and I weren't buddy buddy. (I don't think he was buddy buddy with anyone because of how difficult his class was.) However, I've learned some valuable lessons that have helped me think critically and analyze....everything.

The very first assignment we received in his class was an editing assignment. He handed us a four-page school publication he wanted us to edit. He told us to look through the article and find as many errors as we could. He didn't tell us what kind of errors, how many errors, or what pages to find the errors on. He gave us one week (I think) to work on it and bring back our list of mistakes. The majority of us were quite bewildered and intimidated. Were there 3 errors? 5? 10? I searched long and hard and tried to pull out all my previous writing knowledge to pore over this assignment.

On the due date, we brought back our homework and started asking each other how many errors we found. I had found about 25 I believe and was feeling all right. We turned in our assignments and focused on a different subject for class. The next class, he handed back our assignments, graded. I made a C. My 25 errors merely scratched the surface, and not all of them were even correct. How many errors were there actually? Over 70. I don't remember the exact number anymore, but there were A LOT. He gave us a printed sheet listing every single error in that publication and the reason why it was an error. I definitely thought I was headed for failure.

I think I scraped by with a B+ in his class. Or maybe it was just a B. Honestly, it doesn't matter. I've got my degree and diploma, and nobody ever asks to see them for proof. Sadly I don't remember a whole lot besides this assignment from his class, but the ways in which I apply this critical thinking are innumerable. I look at situations from multiple facets and think before I accept anything at face value. The point of his assignment wasn't to see how knowledgeable our grammar was (although that was part of it, being an English rhetoric class), and honestly it wasn't to see if we could find all the mistakes. I think he intentionally made it that way. The point of this assignment was to teach us to think and pore over each and every word on that publication and question - is something wrong here?

In some ways this just makes me a skeptic. I'm fine with that. I'd rather be the skeptic who overthinks things than the passive person who accepts without question and is duped. There's been one particular news headline for the last few days I'm sure we've all heard and read about by now. I won't mention it specifically, but I haven't said anything about it. Why? Because I read so many different articles, some siding with one side, others siding with the other. I'm not going to pick sides, but I have come to a conclusion about the situation in my own head after reading multiple articles and gathering bits of facts from each one, and we'll leave it there.

As far as I know, the professor still teaches this course at my alma mater. I hope he still gives this assignment (or at least one similar, because I've kind of given away the shock factor here if anyone taking the class currently is clever enough to find this blog...), and I hope his future students remember it just as I do.

And I hope he still brings bagels. The bagels helped.

Hawaii Top 10 List - Part 4

This is part 4 in my mini-blog series. Catch up here: Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. 

Here's my Hawaii Top 10. It's not even close to capturing all the moments we shared while there, but they do encompass a good majority of the highlights. 

10. I didn't have to cook for an entire week.

Now if you know me, you know that I cook almost every day. On any normal given week, I cook at least once 6 out of 7 days. Our menu is usually planned Wednesday - Tuesday to match the weekly ad sales and I plan my work schedule around preparing meals. This does unfortunately mean that sometimes if I'm teaching 3-6 pm straight and dinner needs to be ready around 6:45 pm, we end up eating some easy to pull together meal ( pizza, dumplings, spaghetti, etc.) Sometimes if time allows and I feel like it, I will end up cooking dinner earlier in the day, morning or early afternoon, and essentially reheat it for dinner when the time comes. Being on vacation meant that I didn't have to do any of this! We either had meal spots preplanned, or we pulled out our phones, searched our location on Yelp, and picked a nearby well-rated restaurant. 

9. An 1859 Steinway.

We visited the Baldwin House when we were in Lahaina and there was an 1859 Steinway piano in the front room! No, it's not in any condition to be played. I peeked over the top to look inside at the strings and it was all deteriorated. Pretty sure if any of the keys on the piano were to be pressed, something would break inside...it is 158 years old though. 

A real 1859 steinway piano!

8. Unique Flora

I just couldn't get over how many plants and flowers were unique to Hawaii. Or maybe they're not unique to Hawaii, but I'd never seen them before. They were so extraordinary and beautiful. I'd get left behind many times trying to take a picture of a plant while hiking and he would keep walking without me.

Definitely not your typical succulent.

Heliconia rostrata - Hanging Lobster Claw

7. Coconut Demonstration

She halved the coconut and is showing off the flesh.
Mature coconuts are at the bottom. They're huge!

While we visited a tropical plantation in Maui, our tour included a coconut demonstration. I don't think I ever completely understood what was edible/drinkable in a coconut or what part of it was for what. Here's what I learned:

- Coconuts have this giant shell around it that you have to husk off.
- Young coconuts are for drinking the coconut water. Mature coconuts are for the coconut flesh.
- Coconut milk is made from grating the coconut flesh into shreds and then squeezing the liquid out.
- After halving the coconut, you can either freeze the halves or bake the halves to easily remove the flesh. If you don't do this step, the insides are actually quite hard.
- People die from falling coconuts so it's a state law in Hawaii to keep coconut trees trimmed.

6. Heart

We explored what Jonathan likes to refer to as the "acid war zone" which was around a blowhole on the northwest side of the island. In the middle of this acid war zone was a heart shaped rock. Not sure if someone physically carved this or if it was naturally there...I'm going to assume it was naturally there, but I'm skeptical. But it makes for great photos.

We have got to be the most attractive couple ever when we hike....not.

5. Waterfalls

I love waterfalls and Hawaii definitely has an abundance of them.

4. Haleakala Silversword

These are a species of plant and flower that only grows in the Haleakala volcano at elevations of 6,900 ft and above. As we hiked into the Haleakala crater, we saw a ton of these. From a distance, they look like glitter scattered across the landscape.

The majority of the silverswords that we saw were just the silvery needles that formed little mounds on the ground. You can see those in the background of the photo. The silversword that's blooming was special to see because we only saw two live blooming ones. These plants bloom once in their lifetime, and then the whole plant dies. 

3. Rainbow Eucalyptus Trees

These have got to be the coolest trees ever to grow. Their bark is multicolored! And it's all natural. It really doesn't get any cooler than that. This one was growing off the side of the highway so I made Jonathan stop so I could snap a picture. There were a lot more in this arboretum we stumbled upon on accident, but people were carving their names/initials on the bark of them. It was quite a shame :(

2. Kula Country Farms

I really enjoyed visiting the Kula Country Farms. We went during the wrong season for strawberry picking, but it was still fun to see their plants. Instead of picking strawberries, we just bought a pound from their farmer's market.

They were definitely some of the sweetest strawberries I remember having. They might possibly be THE sweetest, but I really can't remember. Another perk was that they were only $4.00/lb. Costco sold Kula strawberries as well and they were $10.99 for 2 pounds. Sorry Costco, Kula Farms wins on this one.

Here I am next to their giant strawberry board holding one of their strawberries. This picture definitely has a lot of my favorites in it :)

1. We shared our deepest kiss. 

How can I prove it was our deepest kiss? Well, first we have it on video thanks to his GoPro. Second, it was definitely our deepest kiss because it was 130 ft underwater! On our last day in Maui, we booked a submarine adventure and were able to go underwater and see fish, sharks, a sunken ship, coral, and much more marine life. It was a last minute addition to our weeklong adventure, and probably the most expensive, but so worth it. At the very bottom, the guide told those of us with special someones to have our deepest kiss. And we did :)

The captain let me sit in the pilot seat on the way out of the submarine and we took a picture. He's definitely throwing a shaka sign. I was too caught up in the moment of getting to sit in the pilot seat of a submarine to do anything except sit and excitedly smile. I think he thought we were newlyweds in Hawaii on our honeymoon. 2.5 years definitely still counts as newlyweds ;)

Tune in next time for part 5 when I discuss our Airbnb experiences. If you've never used Airbnb before and are curious, it might be helpful to read about our two vastly different Airbnbs.

Why I'm Glad This Trip Wasn't Our Honeymoon - Part 3

If you're just tuning in for the first time, this is the third blog in my Hawai mini-series. You can find part 1 and part 2 to catch up.

1. We went the frugal route and stayed in Airbnbs. We went the extra frugal route and stayed in Airbnbs with shared living spaces (and one had a shared bath). The extra frugal route was still quite expensive, but considering it was Hawaii, you gotta do what you gotta do.

I won't elaborate much about our Airbnbs here since it'll probably show up later in another blog, but yes, Airbnbs don't quite make for romance.

2. 1.5 lb of raw fish is too much to split between two people without rice.

We definitely ate with our eyes and not our heads one evening for dinner. We had looked up a place that sold poke by the pound. Their prices were very reasonable and I was excited to try them. we ended up getting half pounds of three flavors and a half pound of seaweed salad. I forgot to get a picture of one of them before we started eating.

We felt fine after eating dinner and returned back to our Airbnb for the evening. Everything seemed to be fine and we turned in for the night. Well, it was a rough night. I woke up and felt sick. It's a miracle I didn't actually get sick, but for a good hour or so, I thought I had ruined my entire vacation. By the next morning, I was feeling better already so somehow I had escaped the repercussions of my bad choice. 

3. We both got sunburned - his first since 8th grade and my first in over 15 years (I think...).

Quite contrary to what you would think, we did not get sunburned on the beach. We actually got sunburned hiking. The day after our intense hiking trip, we took it easy and spent the following day shopping and exploring the city center. We ended up at one of the malls in Maui and walked around. We were both so sore from the hike and still recovering. Their mall had a drugstore in it and I asked him if we should go find some aloe vera lotion for our sunburns. We passed it once, thought we'd be okay, and then walked back right before leaving because we thought it best to go get some: one of our smartest decisions during the trip. 

4. I put very little effort into dressing up.

Most people would probably book a mani pedi before going to Hawaii because everyone's first instinct is to think: beach! I definitely did not. I did put in the extra effort to paint my nails using my 10 year old nail polish (does nail polish even last that long? oops.) that probably cost less than $5 - clearance OPI! When I was flipping through some travel magazines at the airport, I was laughing to myself because of all the ads I saw for getting your hair/makeup/nails done to look nice for your trip. Good marketing strategy and they probably get good business from those tourists, but I am not one to succumb. Unlike our honeymoon when I actually tried to bring all my "very beautiful clothing" as my student's in China would have said, I chose the pragmatic, efficient route of shirts, shorts, and hiking wear this time.

Although I'm glad this trip wasn't our honeymoon, it does not mean that I didn't enjoy it and share lots of great memories with Jonathan. You'll have to come back next time and read part 4: Why this trip was seriously memorable and enjoyable.

The Perks of a Costco Membership - Part 2

I'm continuing my mini-series on Hawaii. If you missed the first part, you can read it here.

Now you might be thinking, what is the significance of Costco in Hawaii? Honestly, and generally speaking, nothing. However, in our specific case, it was huge.

Costco was our first stop in Maui after landing and getting our rental car. To our surprise (and glee), Costco and the airport are practically neighbors! We found a parking spot and our first stop was the food court.

Everything is infamously more expensive in Hawaii, but the food court prices at Costco are the same!

After grabbing our first meal in Maui, we proceeded to do some shopping at Costco to prep for our week long trip: a case of water (which we completely finished by the time we left!), a 5 lb bag of Cuties, and a pineapple. We weren't sure if Hawaii Costco was going to sell beef jerky at higher prices so we bought two bags in Plano and brought them over. Turns out the ones in Hawaii were slightly cheaper I think. Oh well, we didn't know. 

After buying pineapple in Hawaii, I don't think I can ever buy another pineapple elsewhere anymore. I had talked with one of my student's mom before we left and she had told me to beware of the fruit stands in Hawaii who try to rip you off. Her mother had taken a trip to Hawaii and paid $10 for a pineapple. When asked if it was any better than the pineapple in the continental U.S., she said it wasn't that different! I knew this going in and was prepared to forego my Hawaiian pineapple until I came across them at Costco: $2.50 for the most golden, ripe pineapple I've ever seen in my life.

Look at that golden color evenly distributed across the pineapple. I didn't even have to be picky - the ones in the pile all look like this! They're quite large, too. Probably twice the size of the ones I see in our local grocery stores.

In addition to being convenient to prep for a week in Hawaii with some 15+ miles of hiking across two days, our Costco membership saved us about $20 dollars. How did we do this? Costco gas.

We rented a car for the entire time were in Maui and did some preplanning. In my notes, I estimated that we were going to be driving 500 miles total. Assuming that our rental car had an 18 gallon tank and we'd get an average of 25 mpg, we would be using approximately a tank and a half of gas. Using $3.50 as the average gas price in Maui, we were projected to spend about $100 on gas for the week. I hope all my math teachers out there are proud of me for remembering how to apply my simple algebra skills into real life. :D 

It turned out that we drove about 580 miles for the week. We also did not average 25 mpg for the first 3-4 days because driving the Road to Hana only allows you to go a maximum of about 30 mph in certain places because of the tight hairpin turns. The majority of the road I think we were driving between 20-25. Luckily, we had a Costco membership, and gas was only $2.67! That's nearly a dollar savings per gallon compared to every single other gas station on the island. Our rental car ended up having an 18.5 tank capacity so that was a great estimate on my part. In the end, we spent less than $60.00 on gas for the entire week driving around the island. Huge savings for our entire trip!

I'm very thankful that we had our Costco membership for this trip. It was totally coincidental because we had no idea a year ago when we signed up for one that it would save us this much money. I also didn't think that Costco would be so conveniently located on the island to where driving by it is pretty easy when getting around. 

I will say this: the lines for gas are no better. Have patience. Lots of it.

Next time: Why I'm Glad This Trip Wasn't Our Honeymoon

Hawaii - Part 1

I want to share my trip with you all because it was a wonderful trip and truly amazing, but it's going to be mostly writing and less pictures. I am however working on putting together a physical scrapbook of our trip, so once I get that finished (hopefully soon!), please come see us and we'd love to show you our pictures. :) It's my first scrapbook in a while so I'm excited to get back into crafting.

Part 1: Pre Hawaii.

We never intended on visiting Hawaii. It actually came about as a spur-of-the-moment decision that was kind of last minute. It actually started with Iceland. We saw our friends going, and all of their pictures looked amazing - the nature, scenery, landscape, all of it. So we had tucked away somewhere in the back of our minds this idea of going to Iceland for our "big trip" we would eventually take.

Time passed. I stopped working full-time. Life got busy with other things, and we sort of forgot to look into it and plan this trip. Fast forward to February of 2017. I was on Groupon Getaways one morning browsing their trips and I came across a Costa Rica trip for $0 departing from Dallas. I freaked out, texted Jonathan, realized the dates were super soon (like two weeks out), and then saw that his passport was expiring in one month and there was no way we would get his passport renewed and back in time for the trip. They don't let you book international flights unless your passport is good for six months post return I believe. So by the time we quarreled via text message about how his passport was expiring and I couldn't book a free trip for us, the deal was gone and I was irritated about his passport.

Within the week we had his passport renewal application filled out and mailed (with my help...). However, we had pretty much given up hope on going to Iceland because we wouldn't get it back in time for a trip in March and tickets were going to be much more expensive when summer rolled around. At this point it was just getting it renewed so this wouldn't happen again for the next 10 years.

March was key. I'd been pinpointing this month since last year. Why did it have to be so specific? Because I was going to be working 75% of the weekends in February and 75% of the weekends in April, and May airfare is the equivalent of summer prices. So if we were going to make this "big trip" happen on a somewhat reasonable budget, we had to go during that specific window.

A couple days after that missed Costa Rica trip, I was notified of cheap tickets to Hawaii. Neither of us had been before, and Hawaii was exotic enough to be a "big trip" but still within the U.S. so it did not require a passport to travel. We entertained the idea of going to Hawaii and looked up some places we'd want to hit up. Well, in the time it took us to be indecisive about going, the cheap tickets sold out. So we were back at square one. However, I got the email again a few days later saying there were cheap tickets to Hawaii, this time only to the island of Maui.

We looked up destinations we'd want to hit up and booked the trip on a whim. I think I was more panicked than excited after booking the trip because I realized how expensive this trip was going to be. Cheap plane tickets was one thing. Cheap housing was another...and almost nonexistent. We ended up booking two Airbnbs for our stay, one closer to the hiking and nature, one closer to the harbor for touristy things. I wasn't sure how to feel about the Airbnbs, but it was our cheapest option so it was happening whether I liked it or not.

The entire time leading up to this trip felt surreal. People would ask me if I was excited about my trip, and I'd kind of feel very nonchalant about it. Like it was the next event that was simply just happening. Finally, the morning came where we were going to the airport to leave for Hawaii. We left Dallas, had our layover in LA, and then finally landed in Maui. That's when things started getting real. We got our rental car, drove to Costco to stock up on a few grocery items and grab a quick dinner, and then drove to our first Airbnb. As we drove down their highway at a mere 35 mph, I looked up and saw stars in the sky and the dark outline of the mountain in the distance. It was happening.

Next time: The Perks of a Costco Membership