The Things that Matter

I picked up my son from school the other day and started asking him about his day. At one point, I heard the sentence, "I brought home my crayon box that had popcorn in it."

Um. What?

Turns out he had a snack at school (popcorn) as part of their lesson and it was passed out in little treat boxes which looked like crayon boxes. Phew. He told me he had saved his box and wanted to keep it. Okay...

A few days later, I found this crayon box tucked into a drawer handle in our kitchen. My first thought was: I have got to throw this away. I use this drawer and it can't have a snack box wedged in the handle. But there was also a more rational side of me which was thinking how endearing it was that he loved this treat box so much to bring it home after finishing his treat and strategically placing it in a "special" place. 

Some of you might be thinking how ridiculous it sounds since I thought a piece of trash was endearing. Part of me feels it too.  But, I also know I was once the girl who kept a toothpick from a sandwich from the Princeton University cafeteria because it was a toothpick from Princeton University, and I'd probably never go back again in my life. (Still true. I haven't been back.)

As much as I wanted to throw his treat box in the trash, and alas, it will someday end up in the trash, I decided to keep it a little bit longer. I just had to move it from the frequently used drawer handle to an infrequently used cabinet handle.

New location secured.

He saw it this morning while eating his breakfast. I didn't have to explain why it had moved to a different handle. He just smiled knowing I had still kept it. 

These are the things I think about when raising my kids. Am I taking the time to value the things which are important to them? Even the ones which aren't important to me? We remember various memories in our life. Some of these memories can shape the way we view people. Some of these memories will affect our impressions of locations. Some of these memories will affect the choices we make later in life. I know a treat box from popcorn at school in 1st grade doesn't seem like a life-changing memory to a grown adult. And it's possible years from now, this paper box will be long forgotten in the memories which don't make it. But in this moment, keeping it a little longer than I otherwise would have, made him smile. 

We were driving to church last Friday evening, and because we were running late due to unforeseen schedule interruptions, we ended up driving west during the sunset hour. My kids told me to take a picture of the sunset and to save it. 

 

 

I'm horrible when it comes to saving photos of non-people on my phone because they don't get printed, I don't have enough memory to save them all on my phone, and realistically, I'm not scrolling my phone to go down memory lane and look at all the photos I've ever taken. So this one will be saved here on my blog and added to the list of things that matter to my children. 

Natural Highlights

It's been almost four years since I last dyed my hair. I still have days when I look in the mirror and see all the greys screaming at me amidst the sea of black. I also still have days when I look in the mirror and I can tell myself I am aging well and still look young for my age. In the years since I've stopped dyeing my hair, I still get comments about my grey hair. I've learned to ignore most of them. They don't really bother me anymore. I say "really" because part of me will always react to these types of comments differently than if I didn't have to hear these comments as part of my life. But I have learned to cope and the reaction is less negative and more neutral. 

 Last week, I had a first. I was having lunch with a friend and it was my first time eating at this restaurant. As I was leaving the register with my food, the lady behind the counter asked me a rendition of the question which I've never heard.

"Is the white in your hair highlighted or is it white hair?" You may be relieved to know she didn't ask it in English because seeing it written out in its translation makes it that much more....awkward. 

I told her, "It's natural."

"But you're so young! How come you have so much white hair?"  I'm glad I look young. I do still feel youthful at heart. 

"I've had a hard life," was my response. 

After that, I continued bringing my food back to my table and proceeded to have a wonderful lunch with a wonderful friend.  

 ***

When I responded with "it's natural," it actually was for two reasons. The first was my brain was working on comprehending what she had just said and trying to formulate a proper response without too much lag time. The second was emphasizing that my grey hair is natural. I don't dye my hair. This is the color it grows out. And I've learned to be okay with that. Honestly, the fact she could have thought my hair was highlighted grey means it's growing out in such a pattern which makes it well dispersed. I've contemplated getting a grey blend, but I've never felt strongly enough to go pay for one. 

I've been asked too many times in my life to find reason in their question anymore as to why my hair is grey. Who can pinpoint the reason as to why his or her hair has grown grey? Our hair only grows about a half inch per month. If we knew the reasons why our hair was growing grey, I'm pretty sure someone would have come up with a reversal/cure by now and would be rich. There's quite a few products out there which advertise grey reversal or slowing the process of greys, but none are truly able to guarantee results. 

Half my lifetime ago, I didn't know how to respond properly to this question. Most of the time, it took me by surprise. I wrote about this a few years ago in my two decades series. I was caught off-guard at a CVS and the cashier literally spoke the words for me which I did not have in myself. I'm proud to say in my mid-30s, I can finally feel more of the confidence I was desperately wanting as a young adult and could never quite find. 

This is who I see in my head - they are my natural highlights.

Size Does Matter!

Back in January, I wrote a post about the XL Tide pods and how I didn't feel I could use it for our washing machine because it didn't wash enough clothes to merit such a large pod. Last month, we said goodbye to our first set of machines.

Goodbye, washer and dryer. We had a good 12 years.

Sometime in the last seven months, our washing machine began thumping and banging the sides during every single load. I had anxiety doing laundry because I wasn't sure what was going to happen during the load or if our clothes were going to get damaged. Could we have looked into it and had it repaired/fixed? Absolutely. So why didn't we choose to repair it?

Because the logic wasn't working. If my memory is correct, we paid roughly $600 total for our washer and dryer in 2014. This included a rebate we got from Whirlpool for buying the laundry pair.  If you divide this up, it means each machine cost us roughly $300. From my research, the part needed to repair this washing machine was around $80. In order to do the repair however, you had to open up the machine and tilt it a certain way in order to get the piece out/in properly. For a skilled technician with experience, we're looking at 1-2 hours of labor. For the average homeowner with little or no repair experience with washing machines, we're looking at 2-4 hours of labor. From experience, anything that was meant to be "easy" can turn into something much longer. If you didn't read my last post, that's exactly an example of a quick-fix gone wrong. 

If we chose to call in a repair person to come fix our washing machine, we would have gotten charged $150-$200 for the repair including parts and labor. From this perspective, the math doesn't math. Why would I spend 66% of my initial cost just to fix a 12-year-old machine?

The second part of this logic was I actually wanted a larger machine.  When it comes to laundry, size actually does matter. With our old washing machine sized at 3.6 cu ft, I was washing three loads of laundry a week. Although I could do it and I had the time, it was a lot of individual loads of laundry. With our new machine sized at 5.5 cu ft, it feels like a bottomless pit compared to our old machine. Believe it or not, I have to force myself not to wash laundry too soon because it simply doesn't fill up enough to be efficient. 

Hello, washer and dryer. Hope you stay and work a long time. 

What's even more crazy is the Energy Star label for the new washing machine says it estimates a yearly operating cost of $10 with a gas water heater and 120 kWh. This is less electricity than our old machine for the same number of loads - 6 loads per week. Does this mean if I do one load of laundry per week for a year, my operating costs are only $1.66 and 20 kWh? According to the math....that would be the assumption. (believe it or not the cost of electricity estimate on the energy label is actually higher than what we pay....so theoretically, our cost should be even lower?)

I'm in slight disbelief at how such a large washer can use less energy than our old smaller washer, but this is the benefit of technology and innovation. The hope is these machines will last us another 12 years at the least. I would like to believe it will happen with little to no bumps along the way, but I'm a cynic. Despite technology and innovation having many benefits such as modern day efficiency and lower operating costs, longevity is not a benefit. 

Regardless, my laundry anxiety had to be relieved and a new washer was the way to go. The dryer was just an added bonus to reset the clock on its age so we wouldn't be replacing them at staggered intervals. Instead of dreading doing laundry, I'm looking forward to each next load (alas, infrequently...) I get to wash. That's a win in my book. 

Adapting

With the rise in technology and innovation, I think we're losing our ability to adapt. When we run out of something, we get in our cars and drive to the store. When we need something fast, we order it from Amazon. When something breaks, we immediately go buy a new one to replace it. While none of these are bad reactions in any way, we've forgotten how to "deal with it." We don't text a neighbor if they have any sugar because we don't really know our neighbors anymore. We don't think of ways how to go without something we don't have for a time. We don't think how to fix something before buying a new one. 

I had this thought because our kitchen sink has been causing us problems for nearly two weeks now. We discovered the water hose up the faucet was leaking. Our kitchen faucet has a lifetime warranty so we filed a claim. They were going to ship us a new part. Great! We just had to wait for it. This wasn't so bad. The worst part was anytime we pulled down the sprayer in our kitchen sink, another stream of water from the hose would shoot out. It would spray out and splash onto other nearby items. What was the worst thing that happened? I got an unexpected wet spot on the front of my shirt one day while rinsing dishes. Oops. 

Once the new part came, it was supposed to be a quick fix. There was a quick release to disconnect the broken hose and we'd attach the new hose. Simple, right? Well, it was supposed to be....

Turns out, when we released the broken house, the quick release collar also broke and wouldn't hold the new hose in place. We tried. Water sprayed everywhere. We had a soaking cabinet. 

We tried looking online for a replacement part. It wasn't easy to find. Any places which had it would need to be shipped to us and would take at least a couple days. Home Depot and Lowe's don't carry this part because it's too specific.  It's literally a less than $5 piece of plastic that we need to hold our hose together. 

Without any quick solutions, I contacted customer service again and they found the part to ship us. Again, it was covered under warranty so we didn't have to pay anything. We would just have to wait.....another week for it to arrive.

I've still reached for it or walked to the sink intending on using the faucet multiple times.

 

Thankfully, we could keep the water to the house on while we waited for this repair. We just couldn't turn on the kitchen faucet or we'd have a water feature underneath the sink. How did we cope?

We save water from our bathtub in laundry detergent jugs. I really thought I had written about it before on my blog and had hoped to link it, but I couldn't find it. In short, we save water and it came in handy to use as dish-rinsing water during this time of inconvenience. 

This water helped to rinse anything that could go into the dishwasher. For anything needing to be hand-washed, we carried it outside in a basin and used the hose to wash dishes. Honestly, it's not so bad. Our grass gets some extra water in very localized areas it wouldn't ordinarily receive, food bits are kept out of our bathroom sinks and bathtub drains, and everything gets clean as it usually would, just from a different water source and location. 

All in all, I wouldn't call this that inconvenient. All I have to do is take the dishes outside to wash. I still have running water. We still have dish soap. I have a sponge to scrub everything. And most of all, we have a working dishwasher to do 50-80% of the daily dishes. 

I received the shipping confirmation from the company for the broken part. I'm hoping to receive the piece by this weekend so we can have it replaced and use our kitchen sink again by next week.  As much as I hate to say it, doing the dishes this way probably saves me water compared to washing it all in the kitchen sink. I've learned to rinse dishes for the dishwasher with one gallon of water per meal. I definitely use more than a gallon of water rinsing dishes after a meal when it comes out of my kitchen faucet. Maybe I need to permanently keep a basin in the kitchen sink to hold water to rinse dishes so I'm not running the faucet as long. 

This week feels a little inconvenient, it can be laborious, and it can seem very frustrating. We've had to change our routine and habits. I've had to stop myself from accidentally turning on the kitchen faucet. But if I didn't write all this down, I think the events of this week would be forgotten in a few weeks or months, and definitely years. Our broken hose connector and the week we washed dishes outside would just file into the long lost memories of our family. 

Never stop forgetting how to adapt. It makes everything smoother, even when it's really not.  

Wisdom

I was having a conversation with my daughter yesterday. She was telling me she wanted to live with us at our house forever. I told her I was fine with that, but she'd have to contribute significantly.

Me: You know the water you use while washing your hands or brushing your teeth? You know how you like to leave it on for a long time and run the water? Who do you think is going to pay for it later?

S: Me?

Me: Yup! And you know all the yummy food you get to eat right now? Who do you think is going to cook it later?

S: Me?

Me: Exactly! And you know all the clean bowls and plates and cups you get to eat and drink out of right now? Who do you think is going to wash them?

S: Me!

Me: Yup!

S: Does this mean later I can yell at you and you have to listen to me?

Now this question made me stop and think for a second. There are a lot of things I reprimand my children for right now and rightly so as they are learning how to be competent people in society. Perhaps I don't always do it in the best execution possible, but it's coming from the desire for them to be intelligent, independent, and capable. 

But I stopped and prepared my answer carefully.

Me: Yes, but can you yell at me nicely? 

S: How do I do it nicely?

Me: It means you can talk to me normally and use a louder voice. 

😂

I've actually thought about this before I had this conversation with my daughter. One day, my children will be smarter than I am. I actually want that. Whether or not I will appreciate it is a different story, but I want them to be smarter than I am. I want them to be more capable than I ever was. I want them to be successful in all the ways I was and more. And if all this comes to fruition, it would mean I have succeeded at parenting. And if all of this comes to fruition, it would mean they will see my flaws and reprimand me.

My forever babies.

I actually already see this in practice in small ways. My children are only grade-school age but they're already showing budding signs of wisdom. The most common occurs when I ask them a question along the lines of, "What do you want?". They respond to me with what they want, and every now and then, I respond and tell them they can't have it.

This is when they respond to me with the most true and annoying response: then why'd you ask me in the first place?

They are absolutely right. If I had something in mind, I should have just told them, not asked them for their choice. As annoying as it is to hear this response, it reminds me that I didn't think about my words before I spoke them. 

I am someone who upholds others to high standards. I also uphold myself to these same high standards. So when this happens, I either apologize and say I shouldn't have asked, you don't get your choice, or, I give them what they picked instead.  

I've been watching this play out with my dad for years. I don't agree with many of his choices for various reasons, and I also cannot change his decisions. But it's hard to sit back and not say anything, especially when I think there are better options that he's not choosing. Making decisions out of fear or desperation usually doesn't yield the most wise choices. 

Does he see it as my wisdom? I don't know. I wish he would, but that's not my choice either. 

The Greatest Compliment

Over the years, many parents of students I have taught or still teach have paid me very nice compliments. It's reaffirming to know parents appreciate me for my knowledge and talents. One parent wrote me a note when her son was stopping lessons saying she wished she had found me earlier as a teacher for him. 

Despite these wonderful praises, I don't think I knew what the greatest compliment I could receive as a teacher could be until this summer. In late May this year, I received a text from a former student:

I was wondering if you are doing any summer lessons? I don’t have a summer class this year and have some extra free time 😊 

Believe it or not, this is not the first time I've had a former student restart lessons with me. I have had students in the past leave piano for various reasons and a few were able to resume them with me after a period of time. This was the first time a graduated student in college wanted to return for lessons during the summer. 

We found Hook Hand at Disney 1.5 years ago

 
I was so excited. We had eight weeks of lessons together over the summer and it was so good to be able to see this student again. I loved that we were able to pick up right back where we left off as student and teacher. I loved how we could adapt to both being adults and it was apparent what a few more years of maturity could add to the learning process. 

This student wasn't a stellar performer or prize winner by any means. This student wasn't even someone who excelled for their age. But what this student has is something I did not have when I was the same age. This student has a love of the instrument, a desire to continue learning, and an open mind. And it's the cherry on top that I get to be the teacher who helps make it possible.

I remember all the seniors I've graduated from lessons and still make an effort to send a birthday email every year just to wish him or her well. Most of them write back to me, and it makes me smile to read their short reply.  

This student, by taking lessons with me this summer, paid me the greatest compliment without even knowing it. It is an honor to be remembered. 

InKind

I don't promote anything unless I actually believe in it. Depending on the product, sometimes it takes years, and sometimes, I never promote it because I'm never convinced. Today, I'm promoting something.

My SIL introduced me to InKind a while back. I got the app but I didn't actually use it. In short, it's a restaurant rebate program that rewards you for eating out. I browsed the restaurants on the app but didn't end up using it for a long time. I didn't really understand how to use it, and I didn't feel like eating out just to find out how.

Fast forward about 6-8 months, maybe more. We were going to New York. I was going to be taking two kids around the city by myself for 1.5 days. I was pretty terrified. I am not your tour guide/planner when it comes to vacations. I like to be the one who goes along for the trip and has someone else telling me what to do, where to go, and what we're going to eat. Needless to say, I was stressed and put off planning this trip for a long time. 

The week before we left, I finally started to think about what to do with my kids. I knew if I didn't have a plan, we'd end up sitting on the bed in the hotel room watching HGTV or Food Network for hours and hours. That was no way to spend valuable time in New York! We were even staying overnight in Manhattan - this may never happen again in my life. Planning food is one of my childhood traumas. Growing up, if we went on vacation, we ate a lot of McDonald's and Burger King. Why? It was cheap. While I understand the mentality, that is not my approach to vacations anymore with my family. Taking that into account, I had to find restaurants where I could bring my children by myself and find them safe food they would eat. This ended up being some version of chicken nuggets and sushi.  

Premade or Homemade? Make your guess!

The perk of being in NYC and using InKind was tons of restaurants were on the app. I was able to save my favorites and mark their locations in the areas where we would be. This gave me options to give my children to pick from and allowed our mealtime choices to be stress-free and enjoyable rather than stressful and angry. 

So let me tell you about this app from someone who is very particular about anything and everything. 

1. You have to pay your bill through the app. Whether you pay directly when you order in the app or pay your bill using the app, it has to go through the app. At a sit-down restaurant, this means when your check comes out, you have to get the check number and type it through the app. Then, the app pays for you with a payment method saved in the app - this could be a credit card or money you've preloaded into the app. If you are ordering at a restaurant, this means you scan your QR code at the register at the end of your order. We encountered some difficulty with this at one restaurant because I saw ordering tablets off to the side upon entering. I went to the tablet, made my order, but then didn't see any way to use InKind to pay for the order. I went to the cashier to ask and he told me I had to place the order with him at the cash register. (I didn't even realize this was an option because I saw the tablets first upon entering). While I probably felt like a dumb customer who didn't know what to do, asking meant I figured it out instead of paying for the order myself at the tablet without going through the app. 

2. The way your rewards work has some caveats. You can only use one reward per transaction. This means you have to choose between getting a % cash back on your order or using your cashback rewards to pay for a part/all of your order. Now you really do get a % cash back on your order. If the restaurant offers you a 10% cash back and your pre-tax total is $50 worth of food, you will earn $5 cash back to use on a future order. The catch is if you are buying $50 worth of food and you want to use $7 in your account that you've earned previously, you will not be earning 10% ($5) cash back on top of the $7 discount you're using. I did not know this until I went to New York and started using the app and earning cash back. On the flip side, any cash back you earn on orders is available immediately. If you earned $5 from your lunch meal and you want to go get dessert somewhere nearby which is also on InKind, that $5 can be used toward your dessert order immediately. This is a really nice perk.

3. Cash back does expire. In short, they give you 2 months, but they're nice enough to give you the full month, so it ends up being between 60-90 days. For example, I have $8.65 sitting in my account as cash back. I earned my last reward on July 14, 2026. That $8.65 in cash back expires on September 30, 2026. It is the end of the second month from the date I earned the reward - 75 ish days. 

If you live in a more urban area, this app is very convenient and handy. I will definitely be using this app again if we travel to larger cities - Seattle, Chicago, LA, NYC for sure. It's a great "bonus" in additional to any normal credit card rewards you'd earn paying with your card when eating out. If this sounds like something which would benefit you, give it a try and sign up for $25 off a $50 meal! (Yes, the discount is instant.)